aiming for grace

say no to heavy black nylon and velcro

I've never understood why all the accessories for diabetes have to be so, well, depressing. It's like someone found the cheapest, most utilitarian, boring fabrics and designs for carrying things and said YES, those diabetics will love this! An ongoing theme in my life with diabetes is trying to make it less awful and more joyful wherever possible, and that most definitely includes the category of accessories. I've spent the last 20 years searching for practical AND fun ways to schlep all things diabetic around with me.

And to date, my favorite solution has been the small, playful bags offered up by Orla Kiely. Her patterns are fresh and delightful and the bags themselves are made out of a high quality, coated cotton. The zippers work for a long time and the fabric can be washed off with a sponge when the blood from the blood tests inevitably get on the bag.

I've also liked using bags from le sport sac because, though they are nylon, it's a much lighter, ripstop variety of nylon. Which means you can reap the benefits of the easy care of nylon without feeling like your carrying around something designed for camping in the outback. They are well designed and come in a wide range of styles, colors and prints, so you have lots of choices. Take two, they're small. Change them out once in a while. It may feel a bit extravagant but I firmly believe, a little luxury is warranted wherever possible, as far as diabetes is concerned.

Eight Sips Theory

I love blogging. It's helped alot to blog about having diabetes. Surprisingly alot. It's taken me a while to find some other blogs about diabetes that I like. But now I am and it's truly comforting to find other people who are living with the strange routines and little games that make up life with diabetes. Take low blood sugars. I found this wonderful entry about one person's technique of dealing with the inevitable lows that we live with on a site called six until me. The entry is called "oh so slightly OCD" and it talks about how 8 gulps of cranberry juice is the perfect way to treat her low blood sugars:

"It’s been after many years of treating my own reactions that I’ve come to the Eight Sips Theory. If my bloodsugar is anywhere under 55 mg/dl, I fill a glass with juice and gulp down Eight Sips. Never more. But I’ll refill the glass if there isn’t enough for eight. It’s enough to bring me back. Every time.

“One … two … three … four…” I count in my head as I swallow. Reaching “…eight,” I promptly put the glass down and sit. It’s still within reach, but it’s not lying comfortingly in my hand. Eight Sips. They calm the panic enough for me to breathe evenly. My eyes languidly scope the room, but I know that I will come up enough from whatever the low is with Eight Sips. Seven is not enough. Ten is too many.

Eight.

There’s a comfort found in this routine. It makes me feel safe. Protected.

And oh so slightly OCD."

I can so relate! The pursuit of the perfect way to treat the adrenaline filled, panicky rush of a low blood sugar. Right now I'm finding that a 5 minute suspension of my pump and a handful of Planet Harmony "fruit bears"

or 2 Newman's Own "ginger-o's"

or 1 "s'more" Luna Bar

all seem to do the trick in a pretty low fat, "tasty" kind of way. They're all around 15-20 grams of carbohydrate, and they seem to work fairly fast so I'm not usually inclined to over eat in the time it takes for the shakiness to recede as my blood sugar rises.

I also have found in my journey through the diabetes blogsphere, that many people have referred to life with diabetes as one of acquired "OCD". I've never thought of it this way but it does make sense. All the routines and rituals that diabetes requires, can lead to a life of patterns and internalized habits. I do worry about this factor of chronic illness, the tightrope we walk as we try to honor what the disease requires while minimizing the expense it exacts on the quality of life. It's easy to get a bit obsessive about doing diabetes perfectly. There's a lot to balance and manage and there is a lot at stake. And it is unrelenting. Everything counts. Every thing you eat. Every unit of insulin. Every minute of exercise. It all has impact.

I can't say how much it is helping to find others who are living with this challenge. I don't feel so alone and a best of all, I can learn from other peoples journey's too. In the immediate future, I'm going to try the Eight Sips Theory as another option for low bloodsugars. Of course, I'll try it with a Luna Bar close by, just as backup. You can never be too careful, right?

let's do it together

"The feeling of health is there, the optimisim and hope are there. There's a real sense of personal connection and caring." NY Times, 12/15/05

I've been thinking about chronic illness and the fear that you live with along with all the rest of the stuff it brings to your life. The everyday stuff, like exercise, carries with it, a piece of fear and uneasiness. I want to do things well which is part of my character. But after 20 years of living with diabetes, I also want to avoid unnecessary struggle or mistakes with ramification, if at all possible. So I spend a fair amount of mental energy, walking through scenarios in the effort of trying to avoid undue difficulties. I try it with travel, with exercise, with food. If I do x, what will happen? If I try y, will I be paying for it tonight? It's a strategy. A mental exercise. It makes sense, but it also drives me crazy, because there is only so much planning you can do. At some point you just have to try and see what happens. You have to give it time to work through. You have to accept some discomfort sometimes in the pursuit of a better life.

Like with exercise. I want to do more exercise (beyond my everyday walking exercise) because it feels good and it makes me feel stronger which also feels good, because sometimes having diabetes makes me feel weak. Physically, I mean. So I want to do more exercise, but changing my routine always has ramifications on my blood sugar control. Yeah, yeah. What I'd love would be able to attend a yoga class with other people who have diabetes, with an instructor who understands the disease, in a class tailored to the needs of a diabetic, at a pace that makes sense. That would be dreamy. Minimal initial impact, strengthening, flexibility and positive relaxation, all in a safe, diabetes oriented environment...And then I found this article in the NY Times the other day called Chronically Ill Patients Turn to Yoga for Relief, and it was so confirming. "Because students exercise alongside others with their same medical problem, the classes also provide emotional support." Another quote that sums up the appeal of a possible class focused on diabetes: "Advocates of yoga therapy agree that it does not cure or treat disease. But they say it helps patients better tolerate their symptons and lessens the anxiety that an illness creates." Lessons the anxiety that illness creates. That's the goal. The idea of getting stronger, in a safe and supportive environment, while lessoning the anxiety chronic illness creates. I am going to see what I can do about arranging such a thing whether it's yoga or some other kind of workout class. It's another little adventure!

The artwork featured is echo, wow and flutter by Fred Tomaselli.

patterns emerge

Here are some more spreads from my "aiming for grace" collage book. This is an example of the dot pattern that began to emerge as I did the work over time. It also shows what has helped me the most throughout this process: my beloved dog Diva who died a few years ago, flowers I grew in my garden and doing art. All of it helps, along with the love and support of family and friends.