Last night I was up with a high bloodsugar. The night before, a low. I spent this morning feeling really sorry for myself because I was tired and I resented the fact that I have to deal with diabetes so much at night.
But then something occured to me. I do know why I had a high last night. I'd probably eaten too much fat at dinner. The low the night before, I probably hadn't eaten enough protein. Yes, it is a drag that I have to deal with the fact that what I eat impacts my diabetes so much. But beyond that, I do have some choice and knowledge as to how to minimize the likelihood of this kind of nightime fun. I'm amazed, that after so long, I still try what I know won't work. I do understand why I do it. I just don't know why I'm surprised by the outcome since I'm the one making the choice.
So tonight, it's back to the known food routine. The tried and true favorites that help me to get the results I'm shooting for. They may not assure the desired outcome I'd like, but they'll certainly up the odds. Especially in the immediate future.
And then in the long term, it might also be good to think about attempting the square bolus trick again. It didn't work well for me in the past but now with the sensor, it might be easier to sync up, if I go in with real data about how my bloodsugars are reacting to specific foods. Ok, so I'm a little slow on the technology uptake. But yeah, I see the logic.
Regardless of what I do specifically, I know I do have choices. Even choosing not to do something is a choice. It means I need to weigh all the information, the trade-offs, the energy it takes and then decide. Decide to eat more protein at dinner, or try the sensor, or the square bolus. Or decide to not decide. For today at least. Because I'm tired, and that's ok too. Whatever the choice and result, I'm taking responsibility for the parts I can control, which makes me feel like I'm less of a victim. And that always feels better to me, in the long run.