It's been an emotional week. I finally found out the next steps in my medical saga that started a couple of weeks ago. Luckily it's not urgent, but there's still some stuff that needs to be done, which I'm really not looking forward to. The details don't really matter. It's the fact that I am facing more stuff that really got me down. Meltdown, crying in my beer, feeling very sorry for myself kind of down. Feeling burdened and unfairly picked on by the universe. I have diabetes for god's sake. Why do I have to deal with this too? Or shoulders? Or other stuff? Isn't the diabetes gerbil wheel enough for one person?
I understand these feelings. I think a good cry can be a great thing. And I'm even grateful I know what I'm going to have to do in the next month or so. All these feelings are true and justified and valid.
#13 : lightening up really helps.
I woke up thinking about this idea this morning. Lightening up is not one of my natural strong suits. I tend to the serious. To lighten up is an act of will for me at times. Truth and "real experiences" resonate deeply for me, and the idea of just "lightening up", seems kind of fake or pollyana when I look at the phrase at face value. But what I've discovered is there are many truths, often which appear opposite, yet both remain true. Diabetes is hard. Other medical issues arise. My body is aging. Yet. Yet. Yet, it's a beautiful late summer morning, ready to be enjoyed. Today. Yet, I have two dogs who always make me smile. Who love me unconditionally. Who really want to go on their morning walk while I'm sitting here typing. I have two truths in my hand today: one is I have more medical stuff to deal with in addition to diabetes and that's tough and two is that it's a beautiful morning and I have dogs who'd love to be with me walking around the neighborhood. It's not that one's mutually exclusive of the other. But one can take the forefront. The first truth is not going away. But why deal with it today? And how much can I really "deal" with it anyway? I can worry, though there really isn't much to worry about. I can feel sorry for myself, but that doesn't give me anything except more sadness. So today I'm choosing lightness. I'm going to enjoy the adventures of today and remember what I already know, which is that lightening up really helps! An idea, by the way, two very impatient dogs couldn't agree with more.