always a layer.

I saw my great doctor today. More for talk than any specific diabetes related issue. Well actually talk about diabetes in general and how it layers over everything. And how that can compromise quality of life if it layers over other health or life challenges. My shoulder continues to nag at me, wake me up at night, ache. Is it the computer, diabetes, posture, exercise, lack of exercise? Should I do acupuncture, yoga, sit still, stop blogging, gut through the pain, ice, heat, massage it? When it flares up, is it related to low or high bloodsugars? Should I try the sensor to see what's going on at night? Am I compromising my quality of life by making so many accomodations to my diabetes? Less travel when I have the choice, a slower pace to make room for the inevitable bad days. Or should I just gut through, take it all on, regardless of the fatigue, the ups and downs, the blood sugar roller coaster that has to date, been the result of this approach? Am I making the right choices, I asked? Am I doing it well enough? Sigh. And well yes, there were a few tears too. Poor man. He was, as always, great. He let me vent and wring my hands. He helped me come to the decision to try the sensor. He's going to get me in to see a shoulder specialist who also really gets diabetes. He told me I was doing fine. He said it would be ok.

And I know that he's right. I know that I'm doing the best I can. I know that it's a lot of choice to manage and a lot of information to navigate. And I also know that there is never one right answer. Things change. Context morphs. Priorities shift. Everyday I make decisions about many things. And always, always, diabetes is a layer on top. Always, there is diabetes to consider. Always.

Comments

[Saraj]

FOREVER is ringing in my ears. Sometimes I forget, because I'm so used to having diabetes, I don't know any different. Then I remember, I never get a break. Then I remember, it's been so long since I had a break, I'm not even sure I NEED a break anymore. I wouldn't know what to DO with a break if I had one. I would probably test my blood sugar just to be absolutely 100% positive that I did INDEED have a break. Don't get yourself down pondering the always and forever of diabetes!

[Scott K. Johnson]

I think we are lucky if we can keep it to just a thin, unobstructive (is that a word?) layer. Many times for me, it is this big, huge, totally obstructive, mattress (king size) thick, layer. And it's heavy.

I too also believe that we MUST pace ourselves. We might be able to take it all on for very short periods of time - but not long term. In my personal situation, I've recognized that I cant do it all. I can't take it all on and just power through it. I believe it's because I have more to deal with than the average healthy person. Even someone who is not so healthy, but has a condition that is treated without all of the mental legwork that we must do - something where a doctor takes care of it all, and treats the condition. Even they don't have to deal with all that we do. The time this comes most into play for me is when we're hurting financially, and I try to pick up a second job. I get burned out quickly and suffer the consequences. I just can't do it for long.

And please, whatever you do, don't stop blogging! No pressure there, and I say it "tongue in cheek" - of course if typing is causing discomfort, I'll find a way to deal with it - withdrawal symptoms and all.

:-)

[birdie]

Don't worry. I'm not going to stop blogging. It helps too much. It's too much fun. It was just a rhetorical question in the search of SOME answer. But as we've all said, this is a matter of priorities and living life as best as we can, so no, I'm not stopping any time soon. It was just a harder day than usual...

So thanks for the support and wise words, as usual. And yes Sara, I'd be just like you...I'd be checking my bloodsugars to see if it's really true that I didn't need to test my bloodsugars. Funny.

And thanks to you both. Today I feel better, in no small part to being able to express my feelings and knowing that I will be heard and understood. Yeah, for blogging and the OC.