It's interesting how the volume of diabetes can dominate and recede.
Sometimes its noisy because the disease itself demands atttention. My control is wonky. My diligence is wavering. Whatever the reason, I must address myself to the requirements of the game. Tweak. Adjust. Regroup. Focus. It comes with the territory.
And then there are the times that diabetes feels noisy and it isn't because of anything particularly diabetic that's going on. It's the layering phenomenon I've mentioned before. Other stuff, physical or otherwise, PLUS diabetes, adding up to lots to manage and more to deal with. At those times, I just feel burdened and admittedly, a bit sorry for myself because of the PLUS factor. "I have to deal with X, and as usual, diabetes too." I think those times are the hardest for me because I have the burden of dealing with whatever is on my plate as well as the burden of feeling sad, angry or just plain tired. Heavy shoulders, heavy heart. Not so fun.
What's the most interesting (and wonderful) though, are the times when the noise of diabetes recedes. There are times when I don't notice it so much. There are times when everything is pretty much ok, and my shoulders and heart are light. There are even times when diabetes feels a bit like a virtue. A badge of honor. A source of pride. Because I do it everyday with focus and integrity and good intentions. Some days the results are better than others, but regardless, I also show diabetes respect. On those days when I do notice that it isn't so loud, diabetes is a layer in my life where I can see my strength and character, and as a result, give myself some credit for doing as well as I do. I like those times the best. The quiet times when I notice all that it takes to do this disease well and say, "yes, I do pretty well, all things considered."
It is interesting how the volume of diabetes can dominate and recede.