spring and hope.

I saw my doctor this week for my quarterly checkup. My A1c was great. Feet fine. Eyes good. Shoulder's are slowing improving. All's quiet on the western front. But still I left feeling blue. And stayed so for a couple of days. Maybe it's because we talked about how things on the research front weren't particularly stunning these days. Or the fact that though there was some new technology on the horizon, for now it's pretty much what I've got with the pump. Or the fact that some of the promising stuff I'd heard about gene therapy from my orthopedic surgeon was, in fact, not true when it came to people who already had diabetes. Ok then. All's quiet on the western front, but still, it's going to be a while until we see the dawn. And for some reason that fact really got to me this time. I usually don't spend a lot of my time focusing on the cure, so why did this information send me for such a loop this time?

I was telling this story to a friend today and she summed it up beautifully. She said that though my doctor never meant to, he kind of snuffed out my hope for a better future, at least a better near future. He was just being honest and I don't feel any bad feelings toward him. It's just that I don't have much hope about this all getting better anytime soon and that's sad. That's all. Sad. And I was for a couple of days. Which is understandable.

But, as always, the acute sadness passes. You see, it was sunny today. And warm. Very pretty and spring-like. Too lovely to stay sad for long. So regardless of the facts, I think I'll still have a little hope. It's the season of hope after all. Spring is about promise and the beginning of better days to come. For now, I think I'll focus on spring and in the process, still nurture some hope for a better future with diabetes, even if it isn't exactly the near future.

Comments

[AmyT]

Ruppert,
I think I'm in love with you.

[Bernard Farrell]

Ruppert

I know exactly what you mean. Most of the time I don't let that get me down. I try to focus on the good news from the latest visit.

If my numbers are reasonable and there aren't any things brewing that means I'll be around longer. And that way I'll hopefully benefit from some new research.

You can just call me a silly optimist.

And I'm also lifted by Spring. Though as I type this to you I'm listening to the sleet that's hitting the windows. And just when the grass in the yard had lost its coating of snow.

Happy St. Patricks.

[Mollie]

hey! i saw your blog from a directory and thought i'd say hi and let you know i'm linking you to my blogroll, and love reading your blog!!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day! :)

[glennis]

daffodills.....a good RX. put some in every room.

[Minnesota Nice]

One of the most annoying things about difficult emotions is the feeling that they are going to last forever. But, of course, they don't.
BTW, I love daffodils. My neighborhood grocery store got their first supply in this week.

[birdie]

You guys are so swell. Thanks for the kind words. There's certainly no harm in being a silly optimist or filling my rooms with daffodils! And to remember too, that I'm not alone in this complex journey. Here's to spring and friends and hope! xo-birdie.