Lately I've noticed that I spend a lot of time navigating between feeling different and feeling like I'm just like everyone else. Normal in my living with diabetes. Different in my living with diabetes. Fully inhabiting my world, yet also tweaking my bloodsugars on the side, catching a low here, counting carbs there. On, off. Diabetes, email, meeting, lunch, diabetes, more email, more meetings, blood test, continue. Different, the same, the same, then different. It's like a lens on a camera focusing tight on a detail, then pulling back again to see the whole picture. Sometimes normal, sometimes different, whichever it is, I know on one level it doesn't seem to really matter. But then I remember what a long journey it's been to get to a place where I can see my life with diabetes, in all it's stark differences. I work hard at seeing it so that I can let it matter and count for something. That seems right to me and it's made me feel better in the long run.
Seeing the differences clearly however, does mean not being like most of the people I know, and having that be ok. Which makes sense to me too, because if being like everyone else means not having to deal with diabetes, it's not possible for me to do it anyway. So what happens is that the definition of normal becomes a definition I create. The definition of normal becomes one of being whole, healthy, contributing, alive, focusing in on blood sugars for a moment...and then back to email, just like everyone else.
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