What do I lead with?
When I woke up this morning, having been up a couple of times with a very high blood sugar during the night, I thought about this question. I've had nights like last night a thousand times before. Sometimes, if it's days in a row like it can be, I feel defeated and tired. Other times, when it's a result of something I've done, like eat the wrong food or thrown caution to the wind as we all do on occasion, I just feel resigned to the result. And still other times, when I have no clue as to why it's happened, I just feel stupid or confused.
Whatever the reason, and really whatever the feeling the next day, I am coming to realize that I always have a choice as to what I lead with. After 20 + years of doing this dance, it's hard to remember that sometimes. Do I lead with diabetes or do I just get on with the day? Sometimes the diabetes aspect of my life crowds out this truth and I forget I have a choice. Other times, I do think it makes sense to lead with diabetes because it is burdensome and fatiguing and pretending it isn't so, exacts it's own kind of toll. But most times, like this morning, I think it's best to lead with the promise of the day ahead. I think today I'll focus on all the possibilities and try to quiet the noise of diabetes where I can. I'll deal with the technical issues at hand, like I always have to do. And then I'll move on quickly. Yes, I'm tired this morning and yes, I'm bummed that I didn't figure it out last night, but heh, today's a new day and I'm sick of the tyranny of diabetes. As much as I can today, I'm silencing it's nagging noise and moving on. And really, in the end, isn't that the goal of living well with this disease? Isn't it about attending to it's demands and then silencing it as much as possible, so we can get on with the living of the rest of our lives?
And anyway, today is a holiday, so luckily there can be a luxurious nap in my future. Happy days.