Things are finally getting a bit more predictable again, thank goodness. Nothing a little radical change in your insulin dosage can't fix. Lot's less insulin during the day (and significantly less insulin reactions as a result) and lot's more insulin in the night (which unsurprisingly means less highs as a result). You know, totally flip what's worked for the last 2 years. Logical results to an illogical change. Why have my insulin needs changed so profoundly? Why now? I just don't know. I can't fathom a guess. It's yet another unsolved diabetes mystery. But at least it's better. Honestly, that's all I care about. I've been thinking a lot about what helps during times like these. I realized that when I'm actually in a time like I've been going through, it's pretty hard to remember what will actually help. I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I'm worried. Not really the best mind space to conjure up ideas about how to feel better. It's kind of counterintuitive. So what I'm thinking of doing is starting a "what helps" box. A place where I can gather ideas around what helps me in tough times. One thing per index card or scrap of paper. Over the next few weeks, I'll look for a lovely, special box to keep the cards in. And then on those challenging days, during the tough period, I can go to my box and draw out a "what helps" idea at random. Get a massage. Take a nap. Watch a Miss Marple movie. Get a pedicure. Take a picture of the cat. Listen to music. Walk the dog. Take another nap. Take a day off. Write a truthful, sad post. Whatever helps. It will be fun to add to the box as ideas come to me, especially those that occur when I'm feeling good. Ideas that I can save up for a rainy day. Ideas that will help me through the inevitable tough stretches ahead. We'll see how it turns out. It's bound to help a bit. And that's all I'm looking for. A little help on a rainy (or snowy) day!
What a fun idea! Maybe you could get other people to add things, too, for surprise treats :)
Posted by: In Search Of Balance | October 01, 2007 at 10:28 PM
I like that idea. I have a "gratitude" bucket, where I used to write (every day) the things I felt grateful for, and when I felt bummed, pull them out to remind myself. It's funny to look at the old stuff from years ago, like spending time with an ex-boyfriend, an old friend who cooked dinner for me, talking on the phone to my grandma (now gone), etc. Sometimes it made me sad, but mostly it brought back good times.
I think you are going to be just fine. I like that you share your highs and lows with us. You are a wonderful writer, and your art and photographs are always really cool. I enjoy your blog and your style very much.
Posted by: Amylia | October 02, 2007 at 12:07 AM
Oooh, Birdie, please don't say "snowy day". This morning on my way to the office from the busstop, I felt that first, truly autumnal gust of air. (Winter is not my favorite season).
I love the "what helps" list. Many years ago I had a therapist who kept asking me, "what can you do to make yourself feel better?" and I'd hiss back, "nothing!".
But, of course, there are many things that help. And we must not lose signt of that. I love Beth's idea of having other people put ideas in the box.
Have a good day ahead. The journey is the reward.
Posted by: Minnesota Nice | October 02, 2007 at 05:43 AM
You sound so good. I first found your blog when you were looking for beauty. Through all the ups and downs you return to the same place of peace and productive work on this disease. Thank you for writing. It helps.
Posted by: Jayne | October 02, 2007 at 06:37 AM
Isn't it strange how when we're feeling down we just want nothing more than to stay "stuck in a rut"? It almost feels like too much work to pull ourselves back to good.
I think that stockpiling some helpers for those times is a really great idea.
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | October 02, 2007 at 12:25 PM
I've always wondered what made some people feel so good when their life was falling apart and others who felt so down when their lives were very stable. I'm convinced it's the way we're wired or more precisely the chemicals in our brain. I believe someday that box you speak about will have a pill that will get us feeling just right. I'm not condoning that kind of future. I just don't think we'll be able to avoid it.
In July 1969 the number 1 song was "In The Year 2525" by Zager and Evans. One of the verses is so profound and so chilling.
"In the year 3535 ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies.
Everything you think, do and say, is in the pill you took today."
I like your idea. You’re still in control.
Posted by: RichW | October 09, 2007 at 12:58 PM
Nice idea. I'd like to see what's in your box of cards after you've had a while to work on it.
I've always admired the photos that you have with most (all?) blog posts. Would you be interested in taking part in the diabetes365 project that some of us are doing? Basically post a photo a day to flickr that reflects what it's like to live with diabetes. Some examples are already online at http://flickr.com/groups/mydiabetesathome/pool/. Beth from insearchofbalance (http://insearchofbalance.wordpress.com/) started me on this idea.
Posted by: Bernard Farrell | October 09, 2007 at 07:05 PM