sour dessert.

My husband and I went out to dinner the other night. I got to the restuarant a little earlier than he did, so I took the opportunity to take a blood test before the meal. The waitress must have seen me do it because later on, after we'd finished our meal and were ordering dessert she said something to me about it. She said, "You're diabetic aren't you? You're going to go easy on that dessert right?" My husband has a sweet tooth and so we usually order one dessert for him and I'll take a couple of bites and that will be it. We'd done that very thing this time around, one tiramisu, two forks please. I was so surprised by the waitress' comment that it took me a couple of seconds to regain my composure. And when I did, I have to admit that I was pretty surprised by my own response. It wasn't a comment like "that's none of your business" or "excuse me but who asked you for your opinion?" No it was nothing like that. Instead I found myself explaining that I was on the pump and I could take a bolus to cover the sweetness, and that it was ok for me to have a bite or two. But I didn't stop there. No I just kept babbling on about how I get to have a few treats here and there. That I wasn't going to have a whole dessert, just a couple of small bites. Geez. I just barely stopped short of saying "no really miss waitress, stranger to me, I'm really a GOOD diabetic. Really!"

Wow.

I haven't been able to shake this encounter. It's left a sour taste in my mouth that no two bites of tiramisu could ever wipe out. What's stuck with me is less about the presumption and frankly, rudeness of the waitress and much more about my own reaction to her comment. I'm a bit saddened by my need to explain and justify my actions to anyone, let alone a complete stranger. I'm surprised by how insecure and judged I felt. Where did that come from? I know in my heart that I'm dedicated and disciplined. I'm not overweight, I have good and consistent A1C's and I rarely overindulge in sweets. And yet, there it was, this overwhelming need to explain myself, out of the blue. I'm still shaking my head about it. I'm still surprised.

Image (ironically from googling tiramisu randomly) from ezeediabetes.

Comments

[Donna]

Wow! I hate when people do this. I think I would contact the restaurant & ask for an apology from the waitress & the manager. They should train their workers better than to butt-in to people's business like that. How rude! But that's totally up to you. Just my two cents worth.

[Rachel]

Ugh. That's horrible. I can't even expand on my emotions on that one.

[Amylia Grace]

I have had similar reactions to such comments and I admit that what bothers me most after is my own reaction to it. I find myself justifying and feeling bad, frankly. I hate such comments, but they teach me to examine my response and figure out how to overcome that barrier to my own confidence in myself and my choices. I hate being judged and I know that I judge myself harsher than any out of line waitress.

[Lyrehca]

I would be really matter of fact about things and just say, "That's old school diabetic thinking. On the pump, I bolus for what I eat, just as a pancreas does" and just leave it at that. Live and learn for the future.

[AmyT]

Wow, Birdie, I know just what you mean. Somehow I am never ready for comments like that, and I always end up falling all over myself. Ugh!

[Tay]

Oh, dear. I wish the waitress wasn't typical with her poor etiquette, but I fear she is. And I totally hear you about being the most haunted by your own reaction. I encounter a shocking amount of insensitive, boorish response to my breast cancer and it's been hard to come up with(on the spot), a response that feels both calm and confident. I often wish for a little sprite on my shoulder to feed me really good come-back lines!

Exchanges of the type you describe stick with me for weeks, which seems a unless drain on my energy. I hope writing about yours here helps you. I always am comforted and inspired by your blog. Thank-you for sharing your story so generously.

[Scott K. Johnson]

I too think I would have reacted the same way. I'm not too quick on my toes with stuff like that. Rather, I blabber on about something or other then ponder on it for days afterwards.

[Jeff]

There's no denying the audacity of someone butting into your life like that. But sometimes, if we're ready for it, it opens the door for a little fun. Imagine the look on the waitress' face if you had answered her like this:

"Easy on this dessert? Sure, but first I'm going to look at my on-board Humalog before I suspend the square wave bolus I set up after that first piece of bread, add up in my head the carbs for all the confectioner's sugar, angel food cake, and vanilla extract in this tiramisu, not to mention the coffee granules and their invariably elevating effect on blood glucose levels, estimate how much of that would be in two spoonfuls, work in all the proteins from that tough sirloin and how badly they'll be hitting my postprandial over the head later, consider my endocrinologist's suggestion that I tweak my carb ratio down to 10 to 1 based on six months of upward trending glycosylated hemoglobins, factor in the two sets of tennis I played at 4 this afternoon, and not forget about the ketones that popped up yesterday when my infusion set failed. Then I'll have another crack at figuring how much insulin I need to dose right away, how much to spread out, how long to spread it out, and punch up a dual wave bolus -- my second of the evening, mind you -- based on those numbers. Oh, and let's not overlook the temporary basal of 70% over five hours that I had going because of the extra walking I did to get here. I want to be sure it didn't get wiped out when I hit suspend. But before that I'm going to do yet another test so that I can program a correction bolus if I need one. So, to answer your question, yes, I am diabetic, and sure, I'll go easy on this dessert."

Too bad life isn't so scripted.

[Moppie]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm a type II diabetic and I run into this frequently with family. You're at a party and getting yourself a plate and people do one of two things: they ask you if you should be eating "all that" or they're put off because you didn't eat what they brought (like pecan pie or something that you wouldn't eat even if you weren't diabetic) After all, a small piece won't hurt your diabetes. Ok. Can I just eat? When did we get so interested in people's food choices? My mom once said that she always liked my parties because a diabetic could find something sweet they could eat - like fruit. My reply has been, "I like fruit and everyone could benefit from eating more." Can we give people a little credit for managing their lives? Diabetics know more than anyone what impact particular food has on their bodies. Mind your own business. Grrrrrrrr

[whimsy2]

I think it's interesting how different people react to the same thing. I had this happen to me once at a restaurant. I'm always glad to get into discussions about diabetes control with strangers. Considering how many are poorly controlled, I use any public encounter as a chance for education. Most diabetics have no idea that complications AREN'T inevitable, that taking insulin is a GOOD thing, not a punishment, and that the standard dosing usually prescribed by the vast majority of doctors is NOT the way to gain control -- but control CAN be achieved and A1Cs under 7 ARE doable. And I can tell them how, or refer them to places (online) where they can learn how to do this.