A couple of years ago I fell down some stairs at work. I caught my toe on the edge of the stairs and fell out over them and landed on my wrist and shoulders as I tried to break the fall. Luckily I didn't break anything though I was very bruised and shaken up afterward. To this day, every time I go down those stairs I feel a little bit nervous. I literally have a physical reaction to something that happened to my body a couple of years before. It's like my body has a memory of it's own.
If that is in fact the case, that the body has a memory, I wonder if it can make the distinction between pain from accident or trauma or illness, and the ongoing moments of pain that it has to endure to stay healthy with diabetes. Does my body "know" that the endless blood tests and pump site insertions and removals are for it's long term good? My mind knows and it helps me override the apprehension I feel that second before the plunger clicks and the fresh quick set is inserted into me. But still I find myself waiting to the very last possible moment to change out my sites, resisting the insistent beeping of my pump reminding me that soon I'll be out of insulin. I know that this is in great part because I simply want to avoid the pain, however minor, the procedure inevitably involves. Which doesn't make sense on it's face. It doesn't make sense to my mind, that's for sure. Snip, snap, take out the old site, rip it out quickly and the immediate pain is gone soon thereafter. It itches a bit, sometimes it bleeds, but it's over in a few minutes. Same thing with putting the new quick set in, one, two, three and click it's in, burning a bit, sometimes stinging if the insulin is too cold but over in a flash also. What's the big deal? It's not so terrible yet I hate it just the same. I can't help but wonder if some of this is my body memory weighing in where it can. My mind may understand, but my body just reacts to the pain and tries, however futile that might be in this case, to avoid it in the future.