weariness.

I've been feeling pretty good lately. My diabetes has been under good control and I've been feeling alright about it all. Feeling like all is well even if I have diabetes. And then last week I had one of those weeks. A spate of high blood sugars without a clear reason why. Was it that meal out with friends that kicked it off? Was it the angle of my site and the fact that the waistband of my jeans kept jiggling it out of the locked position? Was I getting a cold (after all I'd woken up with a sore throat one night)? Was it stress from work, stress from a few high blood sugars? Was it some bad choices I had made? Or just bad luck? After a few days and a few nights up dealing with the roller coaster, I was tired and weary.

What's amazing to me about this, is even though I'd been cooking along well for a such long time, it only took a couple of days into a bad spell and there it was. The weariness. The deep, deep, weariness that I forget about on the good days. There is was like a snap of the fingers. Right under the surface, never too far away.

For some reason, that deep weariness always surprises me.

I've since changed out my site and my blood sugars have normalized and I'm back to feeling fine. I guess it was the angle and positioning of my site. Or maybe I'd hit some scar tissue. Or maybe a I overcame a cold that never came to fruition. Whatever the reason, things are better now and the weariness has faded. And I forget about it again, for now.

Comments

[CALpumper]

Birdie,

I must say I can read the weariness. I really can. I very much understand the up then down and back again. I just got over a two week stint with serious lows.
After my own then my Endo's basal adjustment I am back up, higher than I would like but happy as a clam to not be low.

We have those moments, too often or not enough I am not sure on this yet, where we realize what would be best for us: remember the good, the successes, the feeling good, the being in control. We are so aware of this. Too aware? Still under review....

Glad you are feeling better. Darn sites and scar tissue...wish I could say it is that each time but I know you are aware of the variables, the check list we go through: is it this or that, could it be, was it?

It only takes a moment of wrong to wipe away the right as if it never existed. It is hard to stay in the good.

Only my best to you.

[Scott K. Johnson]

I also think there are some very real chemical reactions that take place in our brains when we are experiencing "out of normal range" blood sugars...

What's scary to me is how easy it is to let it all spiral down the toilet. One thing contributing to the next then to the next, etc. Next thing you know you're in a bad spot and it's that much harder to pull up.

Bravo to you for fighting through it.

[Jj]

You have an amazingly great attitude; what a wonderful inspiration you are.

[Mollie]

I'm glad you're feeling better! :) I was going through the same thing, and I changed my site too, with a new bottle of insulin, and my blood sugars seemed to be in better control after that. :)

Great post, :)
Hope you're having a great week! :)

-Mollie

[Donna]

I understand that weariness, too. I'm glad it usually doesn't stick around for long & that you're feeling better.

[Jane Kokernak]

The thing about diabetes is it's all process, and process with no end, no completion, no resolution. And yet, it requires steady energy and attention, like composing does, or painting, or writing.

Living with diabetes is like being an unrecognized, working artist.

Yes, that weariness is "right under the surface," always, and it's something that's hard to explain to someone who does not live with chronic illness.

Your work on this blog, often dealing with fraught feelings, is nevertheless affirming.

[birdie]

What a wonderful insight. I had not thought of diabetes as an art process before! And the result, the piece of art if you will, is a healthy life well lived. That metaphor helps me a lot. Thank you for that!

And thank you too to all the kind understanding and encouragement from everyone else. Where diabetes can leave me weary, the support of your voices and kind wishes are energy giving. There is a good balance in that, of which I am very grateful!

[Bob Hawkinson]

I am glad to hear I am not the only one who goes great for 2 or 4 months and then out of nowhere, everything goes south with the bloodsugars. One thing that I have found helpful is that if I am getting to the last 25 or 30% of my remaining insulin in my pump and I am having unexplained highs, I will change the site. It seems to work 30-40% of the time. Keep Going....Peace, Bob