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"Which translates into lot's of little decisions and many new yesses and no's where before the opposite would happen. Yes on the 100% cotton sheets, no on that 2nd episode of law and order. No on reading that horrifying story about something I can do nothing about and yes on that 2nd walk with the dogs. Little stuff that amplifies the happy times, the soul feeding adventures, the moments of pure joy."

That strikes me as one of the more profound things I've ever read. I don't have a chronic illness, but my sweetheart does, and the struggle to survive with the changes it has brought to our lives has been ongoing. Chronic.

I lost my joy somewhere in there. That sounds real new-agey, but that marvelous sense of being absolutely present, in this moment, in love with life, that's been gone for a while now. I miss it.

Your writing reminded me of the fact that I'm not going to get it back in a neatly wrapped big box delivered to my doorstep. It's going to return in increments, based on my opening doors to allow it to creep inside.

It reminds me of something I read about romance once; not romance as in in-love romance, but the romance of living life fully aware, exquisitely in tune with nature and spirit. Romance whirls away when I clutch at her skirts or confront her head-on with demands that she stay, but I can make room for romance in my life and she will come and settle in.

I think the same is true of joy, of pleasure. I get moments and the moments mount up and pretty soon I have that sense of life being a treasure, a gift I unfold every day. You said "No on reading that horrifying story about something I can do nothing about" . . . and that's where I fall down. I am so wrought up about the state of the world, of my nation, about things I can do nothing about, that I get stuck and miserable.

You don't know me, Birdie, but thank you for listening to me ramble and thank you so very much for this post. I am grateful to have found you.

Birdie

Thank you for another thought provoking and thoughtful post. I like the idea. We're so busy living life despite diabetes that it's easy to treat yourself a bit better to compensate for some of the burden from diabetes.

I love that photo. Where did you find all the shirts?

Bernard

Thanks for all the kind responses. You guys are the bees knees!

And Bernard, I took the photo in New York City last year. It was an installation under the overhang of a restaurant entrance. Tons of white shirts hanging above your head, all of which you had to walk under just to get down the sidewalk. Oh, it was so magical!

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