normal and yet still not.

 

I often find myself contemplating words like normal when it comes to chronic illness. Even after having diabetes for so long, I am still surprised by how not normal it can feel. I'm coming up on that milestone of having it as long as not having it in my life which feels weird and a bit sad to me. You'd think after all this time it would feel more real and less other. Of course on many levels it feels totally normal, and I can honestly not imagine my life any other way anymore. But still, deep down inside there are moments when I catch my breath at the realization that indeed, this is normal for me. Amazing that it is, and more amazing still that it continues to surprise in the midst of it's persistent presence. 

Post-it art piece above by marc johns.

Comments

[Scott K. Johnson]

What has been getting at me lately is the feeling of spending (almost) my entire life with diabetes and still feeling so totally lost with it sometimes.

You'd think I would be a pro by now - and that is sad too.

[George]

It is good reading this knowing that I am not alone in feeling the way I do at times. Thanks.

[Jayne]

Yes...continues to surprise. This normal(15 years for me, 9 years for my daughter) feels far from "home" and it is.

[David]

I feel very alone with this disease. I have never even met another diabetic. I definately do not feel normal. The worst is going hypo and needing help. The last time that happened (at work), when it was over, I ran out of the office and cried. I was so embarrassed. I sure miss being normal.:(

[Katrin]

I haven't been a t1 for very long (diagnosed in May at age 24) so I can't really comment on what it's like to spend years with diabetes, but I really know that feeling of surprise. "Holy cow, diabetes!" is a thought I have at least once a day.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm new to your blog and really like your writing style. I'll definitely stick around, although I'm a bit of a lurker.

[amylia]

"Normal" is a fallacy.

I totally relate, even though I know that there is no such thing as "normal," yet we all, at times, long to feel whatever it is we associate with being normal. I think for me it's a sense of not having to worry about my bloodsugar all the time--not having to think ahead so much about everything and not having the looming fear of possible complications to my life and body.

I could deal with the rest of it just fine, I think.

What a simple but seemingly impossible thing to wish for--stable bloodsugar in range. Wish I could just stay at 88mg/dl or 100 mg/dl forevermore....I know not even non-diabetics have that, but I wish for it!!! :)

[Kelly K]

Normal? Our normal is different than others, and each of us has a different norm than someone else. But at the oddest of moments,& even after all this time... there are moments when I long for the standard definition of the word.
k2