Trade-offs.
I think they're the essence of my life with diabetes. I navigate this disease by constantly weighing the trade-off of one choice over another. Very tight control may stave off complications in the future, while in the immediate, it may also limit the quality of my life from day to day. Not paying close attention to diabetes in the beginning may make a person feel unhindered by it, but complications, and all the limitations and danger they bring with them, are almost a guarantee with that approach. Obviously these are the most black and white of comparisons, but you get the idea. What exactly is the right balance, the right trade-off, I ask a hundred times a day? With the big trade-offs, and the little ones too.
Like should I really have that handful of crispy, hot, freshly made tortilla chips? Is the delight of them now worth the probable higher blood sugar a few hours later?
Is the desire for a longer walk with my dogs on a warm summer evening worth the risk of a possible low after bed because it's out of my usual routine?
Should I forgo the idea of vacation because the reality of it is usually so much more work and physical struggle than just staying home?
Great post, Birdie.
Sometimes it's the internal debate and ensuing guilt that exhaust me. I went for many years and just did what I wanted, so choices did not need to be made regarding db self-care.
And now that I've pulled in the reins, I sink into that sad resignation that "this is how it has to be". Some days it's not hard - A (I have T1DM) plus B (I want to have the best health possible) = C (therefore I will not eat the fresh, crispy tortilla chips).
It is that definitive.
Other days I want a life like my "regular" friends and don't go out with them because I feel like a freak.
But, I think it was you who said something about striving for more good days than bad, and I think I'm there.......(yipee)
Posted by: Minnesota Nice | August 21, 2008 at 03:12 PM
The never ending search for balance.
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | August 21, 2008 at 05:40 PM
I like that idea of counting the fatigue and using it as a trade-off. I so often try to ignore it. How unfair to myself is that? I need some major readjustment here. Thank you for the help!
Posted by: Jayne | August 22, 2008 at 06:58 PM
This rang true for me too ... I even sent to a group of my family and friends to 'verbalize' what seems difficult for me to convey. Your writings just turn the thoughts into concrete expressions. Thank you for taking the time to share.
Posted by: JoAnn | August 27, 2008 at 03:13 AM
You write so beautifully. My mother had diabetes -she died nearly three years ago from a stroke . Reading your words at least helps me understand a little of what she was up against and coped with. It is important to me in my grieving, even years later. BLESS YOU.
Posted by: Karen | September 03, 2008 at 08:02 AM