Enough said? There it is. I wonder, have I said about everything there is to say about my experience with diabetes? Is there anything left to be said about the subject, at least by me?
Well of course there is, even if it's repeating a point that's been said before. Even if I have to say it over and over again, as long as saying it helps in some way.
I read this essay about the evolution of blogs the other day. The author was lamenting about the ever increasing monetization of blogs (among other things) and how it's changed the landscape, the charming, wacky, almost naive aspect of blogging in it's earlier days. And though I see his point and in some cases agree, in terms of this kind of blog, this place of release and exploration of an experience associated with a chronic illness, in this category of blogs, I just don't agree.
I keep writing this blog even though I'm not sure I have anything much new to say about my experience with diabetes. I'm not writing to charm an audience or to resolve a solvable problem. Diabetes simply continues on in it's way, with the qualities and aspects that make it what it is. Over the years, by finding language to describe the nuances and tiny little details of my own experience with it, I've found a deep and persistent comfort along the way. I treat myself more gently now because of writing this blog. I feel less angry and sad because of writing this blog. I feel less isolated and alone because of this blog.
And though I sometimes feel pressure to come up with something new and clever to say, I'm starting to understand that this really isn't the point for me. Because diabetes is a thing with edges, it has a scope that has it's limits. The point actually, isto revisit the struggles and accomplishments, edges and lessons this disease has to offer. In the process of the revisiting, strength and solace and wisdom and voice are revealed to me, over and over again. It's there that the healing and growth occur. It's there that I have come to feel better than before.