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merit badges earned.

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Recognize Victories. Consider Lightness. Celebrate Courage. Embrace Kindness. Aim for Grace. 

For quite a long time I've been thinking about how I'd like to have a way to acknowledge all the small milestones of living with this disease. Little markers, badges if you will, that are earned every day, every hour, every minute, by countless people living with chronic illness. Merit badges to acknowledge all the grace in light of struggle, the courage in light of unending challenge, the everyday victories people with chronic illness have every day. The older I get the more I'm convinced of the importance of celebrating and marking them in some small way. Because of my love for all things girl scout, what came to mind was a token, a kind of merit badge for all the small milestones we achieve. I thought about how great it would be to give a physical acknowledgment to someone when they needed a little boost or vote of confidence. A nudge to say yes, I see what you face and I think you've earned some recognition, you are a hero in my eyes. And then I thought about how nice it would be to receive something like this from someone else. Moments marked by love and of bearing witness, of being seen. Moments where the tiny milestones are acknowledged.

At first I thought I'd have them embroidered so that a person could sew them inside their coat jackets or purses to remind themselves quietly of their own courage and grace. But then I thought it might actually be better to wear them with pride, for all the world to see. My thought was that in sharing them outwardly, not only do we acknowledge to the world (and ourselves) what we've accomplished, we also invite others to consider these ideas in the broader sense. Consider Lightness. Celebrate Courage. Embrace Kindness. It occurred to me that the world might actually be a better place if everyone recognized their own everyday victories, as well as those of others, just a little bit more. Aim for Grace.

So I got myself a badge machine and made some merit badges for fun. It's helped to take words and concepts and make them tangible and real. To see and touch the ideas change them somehow. For me and for others. A case in point happened the other day after my not so happy doctor's appointment. I was feeling down and beating myself up a bit and my husband looked at me with love in his eyes and simply said, "recognize the victories". It made me pause. It stopped me from beating myself up further. The words felt more real somehow. Was it because I could actually hold the idea in my hands? 

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Regardless, that's what I wish for us all. I send out these ideas out to you, because everyday we deserve recognition for what we've earned in doing what we do. With courage and grace. With kindness and lightness. Because everyday there are victories to be noticed and celebrated, every single day, for all of those who just deal. For everyone who just keeps at it. For all the people who keep showing up in spite of and because of diabetes. 

February 15, 2009 in diabetes life, everyday courage, healthy with diabetes., more joy, new normalcy, what helps | Permalink | Comments (7)

you are brave.

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I had an interesting conversation with an old friend of mine the other day. My friend's son has many severe health issues which she has attended to on an ongoing basis since the day he was born. Surgeries, infections, daily management of the most basic of physical functions. A lot of very tough, unrelenting issues, not the least of which has been having to watch her child struggle and suffer with persistent physical and emotional challenges. She does all this with remarkable grace and courage and has so for the last 16 years. Every single day. She's done so without really noticing that she's doing it and consequently, hasn't given herself much credit for all that she does in the process.

I shared with my friend that what I've come to learn through writing this blog was that it is very important to notice what you are doing and living with, even if it's become normal over time. Just because we're inside an experience like she is or we are, doesn't make the doing of it with grace any less remarkable.

It's weird how that happens, how the normalcy of the "less than normal" life with chronic illness or disease makes it hard for us to see how remarkable the choices we've consistently made actually are. To engage and do what is needed to be done. To persevere even in frustration, exhaustion or fatigue. To simple carry on, day in and day out. My friend does it every day and doesn't recognize it. All the amazing friends I've grown to know through blogging, they do it every day too. All with true grace and bravery.

I've become more and more convinced that it's critical to notice the remarkableness of our normal lives. I think it really matters to see and own the courage it takes to do this. The fact that we deal with this every day doesn't make it any less brave. I'd argue in fact, that in some ways it makes it more so. It's one thing to be heroic in a dramatic moment or event, but it's quite another to step up every time and do it again and again. Like my friend does with her son. Or the diabetes community does. Yes, it takes a special kind of courage to keep standing up in light of unrelenting physical challenge.

I also believe that once we come to see the remarkableness of our lives impacted by physical challenge, it's equally important to let it count for something. For it to have weight. For it to allow if you will, a trade off wherever possible. I've written about this before and I shared this idea with my friend last week. I'm learning to let my diabetes factor into decisions about what I want to do and who I will spend my time with. I'm starting to let it count for more than just the physical maintenance it requires. I told my friend that doing this is helping me. A lot.

She responded by saying, "But what other choice would I have had than to do take care of my son in this way?" And I said, "Oh, there are so many choices you could have made! You just chose the path of character and courage because that's who you are. It's sometimes hard to see this from the inside, but you are truly one of the bravest people I know. And you deserve some credit and gentleness because of it. You deserve to let the reality of your situation count for something in the places where you have choices about how to spend your time or treat yourself. You deserve acknowledgment and comfort and joy wherever you can possibly get it, because you are so very, very remarkable!"

Because she is. And we are. Even though we might forget it most of the time, that doesn't make it any less so.

October 13, 2008 in everyday courage, new normalcy | Permalink | Comments (3)

a gift.

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I was in a car accident last week. A guy ran a red light, a full on red at 40 miles an hour and sheered off the front of my new, pretty car. Thankfully I'm fine, a little stiff and sore and tired but other than that, I walked away unharmed. The car on the other hand, is out of commission for many weeks, but that's OK given how much worse it could have been. I'm one lucky woman.

The accident happened on the first day of my end of summer, two week vacation. Last week was about recovery and rest. So you'd think I'd be all ready for fun this week, now that I'm better and all. Yesterday I woke up sad though. I didn't know why for sure. As the morning progressed I got sadder still and finally devolved into a good sob fest. I mean a full on, let it all out, cry. I can't remember the last time I did that. I have to admit I felt a lot better afterward.

I wonder why this happened now. Is it a residual effect from the car accident, the letting out of pent up emotion, days later when it's safe and once I've finally relaxed? Is it because I realize more deeply how very lucky I was, walking away from a car wreck that seconds later could have had a very different outcome? Or is it something more?

I've been struggling a lot lately with the challenge of living the fullest life I possibly can while at the same time managing my diabetes as best I can to be as healthy as long as possible. The idea of this balancing point, the tension between the trade-offs I mentioned in my last post, has been more actively gnawing at me lately. It's probably the big birthday that's staring me down, that mid-life assessment process that everyone goes through at this stage of their life regardless of having diabetes or not. 

Whatever the motivation though, what I'm seeing in the process, is that I have less and less desire to reach out for adventure, travel or even meals out, due in great part to the toll it takes on my diabetes management. My life feels like it's getting smaller because I literally don't have the energy to wrestle with what stepping out of my routine brings to me physically. I'm just tired of all the work and unknowns and hassles so I opt to stay home more. I fear a smaller life but I also deeply fear complications from diabetes.

It seems to me that probably what's going on is that the accident and the amazing gift of walking away unharmed, has punctuated my desire to live the fullest AND healthiest life as I possibly can. In a very real (and quite violent way) the accident has reminded me how fleeting it can all be. In the blink of an eye someone blows through a red light and bam. This experience has galvanized my desire to find the right balance for me. Sooner vs. later.

Which means what am I willing to trade off? What A1c level am I most comfortable with in the end, regardless of what anyone else thinks? What things don't I care to do anymore and am willing to stop worrying about? What things do I still want to do and as such, become a priority to build my diabetes around? All good questions, all being asked with a little more urgency than before.

And what a gift that is!

(image is from a series of collages I've been doing after work, just for fun)

August 27, 2008 in new normalcy | Permalink | Comments (9)

normal and yet still not.

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I often find myself contemplating words like normal when it comes to chronic illness. Even after having diabetes for so long, I am still surprised by how not normal it can feel. I'm coming up on that milestone of having it as long as not having it in my life which feels weird and a bit sad to me. You'd think after all this time it would feel more real and less other. Of course on many levels it feels totally normal, and I can honestly not imagine my life any other way anymore. But still, deep down inside there are moments when I catch my breath at the realization that indeed, this is normal for me. Amazing that it is, and more amazing still that it continues to surprise in the midst of it's persistent presence. 

Post-it art piece above by marc johns.

August 12, 2008 in new normalcy | Permalink | Comments (7)

equilibrium or summer?

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I haven't felt like writing much lately. I'm not exactly sure why. Is it because it's summer? Or because I'm so busy at work lately? Or just that I have nothing particularly interesting to say on the subject? That I feel tapped out on my story of diabetes? That I imagine that I've said everything that I have to say, at least for now?

Well it's probably some of the above, but in truth I think it's also another thing that's at play here. Something has changed inside of me regarding my diabetes. It's been happening over the last couple of years I've realized. Slowly, quietly, inside, I've become more comfortable, or at least more in accordance with having diabetes. From the inside out. It's happened because of writing this blog I think, because of having the chance to write and write and write, regardless of what I needed to say, regardless of when I needed to say it. As I've let all the sadness and frustration and anger and fatigue flow outside of me, what's replaced it is this a kind of acceptance, a space where there once was a churn of emotion and noise. Over time I've come to feel more whole as a person regardless of having diabetes, whole in spite of it and yes, in truth, whole because of it too.

This new sense of alignment, acceptance and integration has begun to change how my actual days now feel. There's a new feeling of deep normalcy about my life with diabetes, where there once was only profound resistance and discord. A feeling like this is how life is now, just is, normal and expected. Up and down, more impact and then less, normal life with diabetes. And the funny thing is that the world seems to be responding to that feeling coming from inside me. The normalcy I feel inside has translated to a new willingness to share my experience with others when it's natural, when it makes sense. People are asking more questions and seem really interested. They seem to genuinely care about what I have to say about diabetes, my experience, my feelings. And though this doesn't replace what I get on this blog, it certainly helps me to feel a lot less lonely and isolated in my everyday life. By practicing my voice here, I seem to have found it in my day to day life. By exploring what I really think about diabetes here, I have honed my point of view so I seem to present my thoughts to the world with a new clarity and self assurance. It's like there's a new equilibrium between my internal experience of diabetes and my outside expression of it. A new equilibrium and calm.

Which may be why I've felt less compelled to write lately. I don't know for sure. I'm sure there will be more to talk about soon enough. But for now the pace seems ok. It feels just right.

And of course, it also could just be the fact that it's summer and I actually really don't have anything very interesting to say. Ha!

July 15, 2008 in new normalcy | Permalink | Comments (3)

starting a new kind of balancing act.

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For the most part I accept the fact that I have diabetes. At times I rail against it, but deep down I know that it is what it is. After writing this blog for couple of years now I have come to feel a far greater peace about what diabetes means in my life, the struggles, the annoyances, the discomfort and the down right boredom that accompanies the unending routine of it all. In a word, I've accepted the reality of life with diabetes.

What I want now is to actively balance that reality where I can. With all the discomfort diabetes brings, I want more comfort in my life to offset it, period. Which means I want a new couch, down filled, like a cloud in heaven that I can fall into at the end of a long, busy day. I want clothes that don't constrict me even though I can get away with looks that are far more "body hugging". Not dowdy but no more discomfort just for styles sake. More comfort where I can get it because I have to be uncomfortable on an ongoing basis, thanks to diabetes and all the bleeding and poking and inserting and ripping out it requires. I'll deal with that discomfort yes, but I'm getting that new couch to fall into too, thank you very much.

Diabetes also makes me feel weak sometimes. I can feel literally weak when I'm low or high, and emotionally weak when I'm worn out by one too many nights up dealing with this or that diabetes related task. Or because I've been on the inevitable blood sugar roller coaster. I also feel weak because I'm still recovering from my 2nd frozen shoulder, and still healing from the surgery in the first one for the frozen shoulder there. Between the two of them, it's been 4 years of shoulder issues and pain (with an unrelated surgery thrown in for good measure), which means I'm not too strong in my upper body. I feel weak physically and that has me feeling weak emotionally. Well in the spirit of this new way of looking at things, I also want to bring balance to this aspect of my life with diabetes. I want to get stronger so I'm starting yoga, very slowly, very, very slowly, but starting nonetheless. Where I can I want to balance my sense of weakness with a growing sense of physical strength. Where I can, when I can.

You know, this is turning out to be an interesting exercise. Taking an aspect of diabetes and seeing what the opposite to that aspect might be and then actively going after it as a counter balance is a pretty amazing thing. Acceptance, at least in this case it seems, can beget opportunity! If diabetes is this, what is it's counter balance? Uncomfortable physically? Find more comfort physically. Weak physically? Find ways to get physically stronger. Tired and worn out? Find ways to get rest, or time out, or be still. Ying and yang. No and yes. Diabetes can definitely suck but I have it, regardless of that fact. So I'm starting to see what opportunities it offers to find pleasant, healing balance. I'm starting to at least see and test the idea more deliberately. Because at the end of the day, diabetes is what it is, so really, what have I got to lose?

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June 30, 2008 in new normalcy | Permalink | Comments (3)

there is much to be grateful for.

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It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted here. I keep asking myself if there's something I want to write about vis-a-vis diabetes and the answer keeps coming up no. Not no emphatically or full of emotion. Just a quiet no, like there's nothing much to say about it right now. Which a good thing quite frankly, because it represents a new level of acceptance and equilibrium around the subject of this disease in my life. Diabetes still rocks and rolls, it still messes with my plans and my day but for some reason that fact doesn't seem to upset me quite so much lately. And I think that is, in great part, because of being able to write this blog to a caring audience and in return, receive such kindness and support from so many people out there. This blog started out as a voice in the dark and what I've found over the past few years is a place of great warmth and lightness and comfort. Which I carry with me everyday, which means I'm less frantic about it all for longer periods of time. It's not to say that I want to stop writing this blog or that I won't need to use it to rant or grieve again, but for now, for this period I feel a new level of peace I've never experienced before. Peace, acceptance and though I'm still sad about all diabetes means and brings to my life, it seems to weigh a little less heavily on my soul these days. Which is, quite simply, a great relief.  

And for that, this quiet, lighter period, I am forever grateful to everyone who has read this blog and commented and sent strength and validation and kind wishes when I've needed them the most. Oh yes, there is much to be grateful for!

June 14, 2008 in 20 things I know about diabetes, healthy with diabetes., new normalcy, what helps | Permalink | Comments (3)

inside out.

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I'm heading back from the art center design conference at the moment, sitting in the airport, bone tired. It was a pretty good conference in a number of ways, interesting speakers, a wide range of topics discussed and the opportunity to see people I've come to know over the years but only see at this sort of event. As with any of experience like this, there were some very special presentations and insights I'm taking away and will ponder for days to come. Tops on that list for me was an unexpected exchange between the moderater john hockenberry and one of the last speakers of the event, aimee mullins.

john hockenberry is truly the best moderator I've seen at the many conferences I've attended in my career, bar none. He's brilliant at providing insightful analysis and personal thoughts throughout the event which serves to connect one speaker to the next and keeps the flow and energy of the event high throughout. He's also funny, charming and entertaining in his own right. And, he also happens to be a person who lives with a wheelchair because of a spinal cord injury, which on one level has absolutely no baring on anything, and yet on another more personal one, remains utterly significant for me. I remember the first time I attended this conference and watched this man command the stage with such intelligence, skill and humanity. I remember being moved and surprised in spite of myself. As a person who has struggled with the invisibility of my own health issues, it was truly a revelation to see another person whose physical differences couldn't be hidden, present to the world so wholly and comfortably in his own skin. I remember thinking that I was being offered an opportunity to learn something about my own journey with physicality through his.

Well 4 years later, this is still the case. This year the conference invited an amazing woman to present, the world class athlete, actress and model, aimee mullins, who also happens to be a double amputee. Very accomplished and stunningly beautiful, this woman who'd I'd seen from afar in many magazines and art pieces, was a real force of nature in person. Self confident, strong and positive without being pollyanna or denying of what her physical experience meant, I found myself rivetted by her talk. Again, like 4 years before, I felt as if I was being offered a rare opportunity to learn about my own physical challenges through another person's experience and view. And that felt powerful and precious, like a gift being presented to me by the universe.

But, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. Before ms. mullins spoke, mr. hockenberry introduced her as he had done with all the other speakers. But this time, unlike the others, he began with a personal story about his own experience in rehab soon after his accident. As he told the story of having an intellectual realization about his body's new, strange reference point and consequent adjustment to moving through the world in a wheelchair instead of a walking person, and of trying to engage the attending physician in conversation about this idea, only to be tacitly dismissed by the doctor. I noticed a pitch in his voice that I hadn't heard before. It probably wasn't obvious to most of the people in audience I imagine, but I heard it immediately. It was that deep, quiet, shock of realizing you'd become something different than you were before, that you were becoming someone objectified and abstracted. In his voice I heard that horrible feeling of being made invisible, of having one's new life experience ignored and dismissed. mr. hockenberry was describing his new physical experience to a person who now only saw him as paraplegic (other) and not as an intellectually curious person too. I may be projecting or all wrong here, but that's what I thought I heard, quietly, underlying his story and voice. He went on to desribe this moment as the beginning of a profound isolation of experience, that in the absense of interest or curiosity on the part of the doctor he was trying to talk to, he entered what he thought was a very singular and particular journey alone.

And I immediately knew what he was talking about. Though in different circumstances and with a very different physical condition, I knew that feeling. I knew that loneliness and feeling of invisibility and dismissal too.

mr. hockenberry then went on to describe how he had met ms. mullins 30 years later and how their proceeding conversation about their personal experience with physical disability was a revelation to him. He described how he quickly realized that here was a person who understood what he was talking about to the disinterested doctor so many years before. Here was a person who was not only fascinated by the ideas of different physical vantage points and the dynamics of navigation, but one who had also developed language and philosophy around it. She fundamentally understood his intellectual curiosity around his physicality and also seemed to embody the fact that the intellectual and philosophical exploration of the experience was key to living life fully and whole. What followed was a remarkable hour of two interesting and accomplished people discussing their physicality, their exploration of it and their development of a philosophy and sense of opportunity around it. I sat in the audience and watched in amazement as these people talked about ideas I'd grappled with for so many years. It was so strange and wonderful to watch two other people consider, explore and even disagree about physicality, disability and the idea of differentness because of it, in public and with such vigor. It displayed a new normalcy, some of my normalcy as a person with a chronic illness, for all the world to see, publicly and without pity or shame. I felt so validated in my own intellectual instinct and curiosity around my own disease process and journey because of this. And beyond that validation, I was lucky enough to witness a real and robust exploration of ideas and viewpoints that I have rarely seen or participated in. Suddenly I realized how unique and unprecedented this was, that this public conversation had moved far beyond the usual idea of loss and struggle, the outside in view of disease and disability that normally defines the conversation, the one where grief and invisibility and struggle are the focus. Instead I was watching two smart, whole people having a knowledgeable and probing discussion from the vantage of inside out. They were demonstrating a new type of normal I'd never really experienced before. Not a less than normalcy but actually a more than view of normal, brought to bear because of this journey with the physical. Asset, not just disability. Opportunity, not just loss. And at the end of the day, what ultimately I take away from this event is that this journey of chronic illness is a profoundly human one, deep, exciting, personal, tragic and full of possibility all at the same time. The more that it's talked about, privately, publicly, intellectually, artistically, personally, the more that becomes clear. To me. To the world. The more it's talked about and explored the clearer the humanity of this journey becomes.

And that's a very, very good thing don't you think?

May 10, 2008 in big picture, connect, diabetes life, new normalcy, what helps | Permalink | Comments (2)

healthy vs. normal.

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For years people have said that even though I have diabetes I can live a "normal life". I've struggled with this idea for a long, long time but thanks to a bit of an epiphany a few years back I no longer feel that normal, in the most normal sense of the word, is really my goal. Though I know most people mean well when they say this kind of thing, for the longest time I reached for the state of normalcy that they were referring to and that I'd had before diabetes. I reached for it and failed dismally in the process, because of course it wasn't possible. And even though people do mean well when they talk about the "normal life" I lead as a diabetic, in the process of saying it, they are oblivious to (and unintentionally negating) all the hard work it takes to appear so "normal". Normal went out the window with 6 shots a day for 16 years followed by 6 years of life on the insulin pump, countless blood tests and the analysis of pretty much every ounce of food I've eaten and every moment of exercise I've done in the last 22 years. What's normal for me now is anything but normal in the way other people talk about it.

No, normal defined that way is not what I work so hard for anymore. Healthy is my goal now. Healthy with diabetes. Healthy in spite of diabetes. Healthy even because of diabetes. I want to be healthy and happy and comfortable with my life as it is now. My goal is to have wholeness and vibrancy and well being become my normal, and to not worry anymore about being "normal" like everyone else.

April 06, 2008 in healthy with diabetes., new normalcy | Permalink | Comments (6)

noisy momentum.

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In my last post I spoke of a momentum I've been feeling around the idea of better design in the medical realm. The more I think about it, the more I think that something's afoot in the greater world of medicine and design. Something's definitely happening and I'm pretty excited about it to say the least.

Consider what the architect Michael Graves said of his first impressions of the hospital he found himself in after he became paralyzed and wheel chair bound in this Metropolis article written by John Hockenberry: "He likes to tell the story about how during the worst days of pain and uncertainty he pleaded to anyone who would listen not to let him die amid so much ugliness. After a lifetime of seeking beauty in everything he designed and obsessively making sure every detail in his physical space was selected to be purposeful and beautiful, he was suddenly trapped in a world of mundane medical objects. “Everything was ugly,” he says. “Nothing was designed. It seemed as though the makers of these objects never had to use them. There was no color, no style; nothing about any of the objects said that a human had made them. It was outrageous.” Graves said he once had his doctor come into his hospital bathroom, where he was trying to shave from his wheelchair: “ ‘Who designed these bathrooms?’ I asked him. He said, ‘Experts.’ I said, ‘Oh, really,’ and I had him sit down and look at himself in the mirror, which was too high, and then turn on the water, which was out of reach. It took him two seconds to get it." Graves, at another point in the article, articulates beautifully something that gets to the heart of the issue of design in the medical realm: "People who become disabled have to radically redesign their outlook about the physical world. They redesign their sense of privacy and their sense of independence. Yet in the products they have to use, design has abandoned them."

Amen.

Or consider what Virginia Postrel so beautifully articulated in this recent post (where she also kindly linked to a recent post on aiming for grace): "The more I think about the sorry state of health care aesthetics, the more I think part of the problem is that we have an "acute care" model of medicine in a world where chronic diseases are increasingly the rule. If you only go to the doctor occasionally, you won't care nearly as much about how things look as you will if you're spending a large part of your life in clinics of various sorts. The same is true of medical devices. A diabetic who uses a pump all the time for life will benefit far more from something that looks good than someone who has a one-time, or even short-term, encounter with some kind of medical gizmo." So insightfully put! Design matters more when you have to interact more with designed stuff. Especially when you have it interact with it 24/7. Especially when you have to use the stuff to live. Especially when you have no choice.

Amen again.

What occurs to me is that all this talk, this momentum if you will, is a result of a number of interesting, converging factors beyond the simple conversation about design. The first factor, and in my mind the biggest, is an idea I've touched on before after reading Jill Sklar's great book. When you look at the long history of human life and disease, the state of chronic illness is really a very new thing. Before the last century, people pretty much got sick and then they died. These were the times before antibiotics, insulin, vaccines, widespread understanding of hygene. These were most certainly the times before the internet or the human genome project. In the context of human history, the last 100 or so years are but a blip, and the state of living a life with a chronic illness is really a thoroughly modern phenomenon. It's an unprecedented, revolutionary thing. Science has made this modern state possible, but as is often the case with life altering innovation or breakthrough, the cultural institutions of the society, the technology surrounding the science and the realm of design, all follow behind.

The idea and experience of chronic illness is "new" when looking at the big picture of human history. Yet, as Virginia Postrel mentioned in her post, we live in a time where living life with a chronic illness or condition is becoming more commonplace. Again, thanks to advances in medicine and science, we are living longer than ever before in history, meaning that most people will be managing some kind of health condition at some point in their lives. An article by Thomas Goetz from yesterday's NY Times magazine put it perfectly, "As we learn more about disease and are able to identify it earlier, more and more Americans will fall under the rubric of 'patient'". Or as a woman quoted in that same article says, "Pretty much everybody I know over 45 has some kind of medical condition. Some people have had cataracts surgery, or they have high blood pressure, or high cholesterol or diabetes. Everyone has something. And if everyone has something, that really levels the playing field." The sheer weight and volume of more people living in that state of being, also contributes to a new awareness of the issues people with chronic illnesses face. I would posit that the result of this fact is an emerging awareness, a new sense of urgency and most importantly, a higher level of demand for a better experience around life with chronic illness.

Another key factor in this possible new momentum is of course the internet. At it's best the internet connects people who are sharing an experience such as chronic illness, allows them to share information, insight and feelings, and over time, amplifies their voice in ways never before possible. I know that's happened to me personally in writing this blog. At first it was such a revelation and joy to find others who knew the strange world of diabetes that I inhabited. Then over time, I found my voice change and become stronger as I not only understood that I wasn't alone in my journey but that my feelings and ideas about that journey were valid and true. My view of my experience became more real and as it did, my ability to analyze it and express it with some distance and clear insight got greater. For years I was stuck in the isolated and singular place of being one person with a chronic illness, lonely and struggling to fit in to a "normal" world I was no longer a part of. Thanks to the internet and blogging, I no longer feel alone and I now have a new philosophy about normalcy. A new normalcy. My idea of this new normalcy is defined by being whole with disease, rather than feeling less than whole because of it. I can't help but think that this personal journey is happening all over the internet, between blogs and forums like the diabetes OC, tudiabetes or diabetes daily, and media channels like dLife, and open source medical information websites like PatientsLikeMe, to name just a few examples. All these isolated, single individuals experiencing chronic illness, disease and physical limitations, are now starting to collectively add up to an amplified picture, source of insight and in the end, a much harder voice to ignore. It's definitely getting louder out there!

Given all of these factors, the relative "newness" of the chronic illness state in society, the fact that more e people are living in this state of chronic illness thanks to the advances in medicine and science and the compounding, amplifying ability of the internet, it feels like times just might be beginning to change. This convergence of factors might mean that the experience of disease will be considered as important as the science of it. It might mean that a new definition of normalcy can emerge in the process of this evolution. The momentum around new normalcy and better design and patient voice feels real to me. It feels hopeful and progressive to me. It feels like there's certainly a lot more noisy conversation on the way. And that can only be good in the long run.

March 24, 2008 in design matters, healthy with diabetes., new normalcy | Permalink | Comments (3)

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  • 20 things I know about diabetes
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    20 things I know ab...
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Categories

  • 20 things I know about diabetes
  • big picture
  • connect
  • design matters
  • diabetes life
  • everyday courage
  • healthy with diabetes.
  • more joy
  • new normalcy
  • pace
  • plus
  • practical things
  • stories about diabetes
  • what helps

great blogs and resources

  • alltop: diabetes
  • amazing grace
  • artificially sweetened
  • bernard's blog
  • diabetes daily
  • diabetes mine
  • diabetes online community
  • dlife
  • donnabetes
  • dynamist blog
  • epidemix
  • every day every hour every minute
  • minnesota nice
  • nature matching system
  • nutrition data
  • parenthetic (diabetic)
  • sarah diabetic musing
  • scott johnson
  • six until me
  • tu diabetes
  • what does 200 calories look like?

books that have helped

  • Don Miguel Ruiz: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book

    Don Miguel Ruiz: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book

  • Matthew W. Sanford: Waking: A Memoir of Trauma and Transcendence

    Matthew W. Sanford: Waking: A Memoir of Trauma and Transcendence

  • Jill Sklar: The Five Gifts of Illness: A Reconsideration

    Jill Sklar: The Five Gifts of Illness: A Reconsideration

  • John Hockenberry: MOVING VIOLATIONS: WAR ZONES, WHEELCHAIRS, AND DECLARATIONS OF INDEPENDENCE

    John Hockenberry: MOVING VIOLATIONS: WAR ZONES, WHEELCHAIRS, AND DECLARATIONS OF INDEPENDENCE

  • Michael J. Fox: LUCKY MAN: A MEMOIR

    Michael J. Fox: LUCKY MAN: A MEMOIR

  • Norman Cousins: Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient

    Norman Cousins: Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient