One of the upsides the "light of day" approach to seeing diabetes affords, is the ability to recognize all the extra effort, courage and attention it takes to live. And let it count for something. If you think of it this way, every person is dealt a "hand of cards" in life (sorry about the hokey metaphor), and everyone with diabetes has been given an extra card to manage. Our hand is a little fuller than others. Most people get the "need to work/career card" and the "relationship/spouse/partner card" and the "family/parents/siblings/children card" and the "I'm so busy/time overload card". But beyond those basics, there are lot's of things that everyone thinks they have to deal with, but maybe they really don't. You know, stuff. Extra, tedious stuff, that we do because we think we have to, because everybody has to deal with some crap afterall, right?
I've been thinking lately, that maybe the fact that I have the extra job of diabetes, means that it's ok to pass on some of the stuff I have a choice about. Life is pretty challenging with diabetes (see Scott's articulate recent post) so maybe it's ok to say, "nope, I'm sorry, I'll pass on that". Or conversely, say yes to the things that bring me more joy, today, in the present. I don't mean in a prima donna, "I'm feeling sorry for myself" kind of way. I mean in the way that acknowledges what I do every day to stay healthy and engaged and contributing and connected. It's about seeing having a chronic illness as "more" rather than "less than". Because, well, all the work to do it well counts for something. Since I got the extra diabetes card, it might be a good idea to give myself permission to let go of an extraneous one. It's an interesting thought. What are the things I can let go of? What are the cards can I discard?
(And I promise to never, ever, use the lame card metaphor again. Ever.)
I really love your posts.
You have a wonder "be kind, be gentle" attitude, which I've touched on before. It's very meaningful to me, and something I feel we all need to work on.
This post again touches on something that is deeper than it may at first appear. And YES! We all need to turn down some things (if we can) and give ourselves some more "me" time.
I know that I personally will overload myself with other things so that I feel like I have a valid excuse to not focus on some mentally challenging issues with myself. Except for the fact that the excuse is bullshit, it usually tricks me into thinking it's working for a while.
You know - that whole 'diabetes is on the "back burner"' thing? What a crock of bull! Our self care really should be priority number one. We owe it to ourselves to be more selective about the tasks we take on.
And how wonderful to acknowledge all the hard work, the tough fights and successes, by saying "yes" to something joyful. I love it.
Thank you again!
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | July 13, 2006 at 09:23 PM