It's been an emotional week. I finally found out the next steps in my medical saga that started a couple of weeks ago. Luckily it's not urgent, but there's still some stuff that needs to be done, which I'm really not looking forward to. The details don't really matter. It's the fact that I am facing more stuff that really got me down. Meltdown, crying in my beer, feeling very sorry for myself kind of down. Feeling burdened and unfairly picked on by the universe. I have diabetes for god's sake. Why do I have to deal with this too? Or shoulders? Or other stuff? Isn't the diabetes gerbil wheel enough for one person?
I understand these feelings. I think a good cry can be a great thing. And I'm even grateful I know what I'm going to have to do in the next month or so. All these feelings are true and justified and valid.
#13 : lightening up really helps.
I woke up thinking about this idea this morning. Lightening up is not one of my natural strong suits. I tend to the serious. To lighten up is an act of will for me at times. Truth and "real experiences" resonate deeply for me, and the idea of just "lightening up", seems kind of fake or pollyana when I look at the phrase at face value. But what I've discovered is there are many truths, often which appear opposite, yet both remain true. Diabetes is hard. Other medical issues arise. My body is aging. Yet. Yet. Yet, it's a beautiful late summer morning, ready to be enjoyed. Today. Yet, I have two dogs who always make me smile. Who love me unconditionally. Who really want to go on their morning walk while I'm sitting here typing. I have two truths in my hand today: one is I have more medical stuff to deal with in addition to diabetes and that's tough and two is that it's a beautiful morning and I have dogs who'd love to be with me walking around the neighborhood. It's not that one's mutually exclusive of the other. But one can take the forefront. The first truth is not going away. But why deal with it today? And how much can I really "deal" with it anyway? I can worry, though there really isn't much to worry about. I can feel sorry for myself, but that doesn't give me anything except more sadness. So today I'm choosing lightness. I'm going to enjoy the adventures of today and remember what I already know, which is that lightening up really helps! An idea, by the way, two very impatient dogs couldn't agree with more.
Ada, this is exactly the philosophy I try to live by. There are those moments when life seems so wretched and all of your choices impossible. But if you can take a moment to breath deep, pet your puppy or kitty, look at the beautiful rain drops cascading in puddles, life seems sublimely worth it.
Then again, other days I know this but it's impossible to implement...
Posted by: David | August 19, 2006 at 09:42 AM
I've dealt with what I consider to be more than my fair share of non-diabetes medical stuff. Sometimes every new "insult" makes me feel that my body is failing me all over again.
With that burden, lightening up is both good, and really really hard. I'm thinking of you.
Posted by: art-sweet | August 19, 2006 at 11:23 PM
Hey...
I tend to be like that too... I'm a pretty emotional person. I also tend to be pretty sensitive to different things and take things a bit too seriously as well. There's definitely times where I shouldn't let things affect me as much as they do, but at the same time that's just me being me.
Diabetes is something that plays a very prominent role in my life and there are times where I think about how unfair it is that I have to have this disease. Yeah, i've been known to throw my share of pity parties, I'm afraid to say...
But saying that, I think it's okay to have these moments (within reason). Dealing with this disease is no easy thing. It's with us 24/7. And It's extremely difficult, b/c it affects every minute of our day and influences how we feel on every level. So I think it's ok that we acknowledge that and even let ourselves have those low times... I think being sad, upset, angry are normal emotions. And I know, personally speaking, that when I allow myself to really let go- I usually feel better. I don't think it's healthy to keep those feelings and emotions inside too much.
It sucks that life can be sucky at times (and having this disease as well), but that is something we just have to learn to accept. I think it is important to learn to lighten up about things, like you have posted, when we can, but also learn that expressing our emotions and accepting them is ok too.
Posted by: Andrea | August 20, 2006 at 08:32 PM
Great post.
I really appreciated the point you made about recognizing that there really wasn't anything you could actually DO about that one thing - and recognizing that it was really eating up an unfair amount of "mental resources" - and actively choosing to enjoy your morning.
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