how noisy is it today?

It's interesting how the volume of diabetes can dominate and recede.

Sometimes its noisy because the disease itself demands atttention. My control is wonky. My diligence is wavering. Whatever the reason, I must address myself to the requirements of the game. Tweak. Adjust. Regroup. Focus. It comes with the territory.

And then there are the times that diabetes feels noisy and it isn't because of anything particularly diabetic that's going on. It's the layering phenomenon I've mentioned before. Other stuff, physical or otherwise, PLUS diabetes, adding up to lots to manage and more to deal with. At those times, I just feel burdened and admittedly, a bit sorry for myself because of the PLUS factor. "I have to deal with X, and as usual, diabetes too." I think those times are the hardest for me because I have the burden of dealing with whatever is on my plate as well as the burden of feeling sad, angry or just plain tired. Heavy shoulders, heavy heart. Not so fun.

What's the most interesting (and wonderful) though, are the times when the noise of diabetes recedes. There are times when I don't notice it so much. There are times when everything is pretty much ok, and my shoulders and heart are light. There are even times when diabetes feels a bit like a virtue. A badge of honor. A source of pride. Because I do it everyday with focus and integrity and good intentions. Some days the results are better than others, but regardless, I also show diabetes respect. On those days when I do notice that it isn't so loud, diabetes is a layer in my life where I can see my strength and character, and as a result, give myself some credit for doing as well as I do. I like those times the best. The quiet times when I notice all that it takes to do this disease well and say, "yes, I do pretty well, all things considered."

It is interesting how the volume of diabetes can dominate and recede.

Comments

[Sarah]

This is very true. The worst health problems I’ve had in life were not diabetes, but it sure made dealing with the diabetes much harder when I had other more pressing health issues to deal with. I love the analogy of layers, and I really related with all of this!

[jerusha]

i came to you from lena corwin's blog, and i'm thrilled i did, because i'm diabetic too, and so much of what i've read so far resonates with my experiences. thank you - so much. it's lovely when some one just gets it. i feel like i've come home.

[Minnesota Nice]

That was very nicely put. THe dynamic aspects of diabetes have taught me to bask and savor when things are going well and to always realize that "this too shall pass" when they're not.
I've just come off a period when my dawn phenomemon was behaving itself and it was wonderful. Yet, now my fasting readings are creeping back up and the only thing I can do is try this, that, and the next possibility that comes to mind to deal with the problem.
Have a good day

[Scott K. Johnson]

This is a great post!

The PLUS factor is a huge component of our everyday living, and that PLUS factor can make diabetes so damn noisy sometimes that you almost can't stand the volume of it!

But, like you and MN Nice say, there are other times where things are much less noisy, and I should work to appreciate those times more.

Take care!

[birdie]

Thanks everyone for the wonderful feedback as always and welcome jerusha! I'm so glad that this feels like coming home. You've made my day!