The past few days have been much better. No more rocking and rolling blood sugars. Well, not at least until yesterday. And really, there's no one to blame for that, but myself. I got sloppy about eating at the regular time. I get silly about what I chose to eat. I went low. And then, like an even sillier girl, I said "let's go out to dinner honey." I tested at the restuarant and discovered that I was high because I'd rebounded. I over compensated on the high and go low again a couple of hours later. And then, surprise of surpises, I rebound in the night, again. I'm up twice, bolusing. And as a result I'm very tired today. Again. But this time I'm not so sick and tired as much as feelng a bit full on humble pie. I wish I could say that I don't know why last night happened, but that's not the case. I made some imperfect choices and I paid. I'm not going to beat myself up for it, but I'm also not going to act like it's a big surprise. I wish it were different and I wish "paying" wasn't so rough. But after 20 years, I do know that diabetes isn't open to negotiation. It's not like it's going to give me a break just this once..
So in the absence of any excuses and in light of how tired I'm feeling I guess the only thing left to do is...think about puppies. Hey, I'm up for any distraction at this point.
I've also been thinking about how much I would like to think I can "fly by the seat of my pants" with things and "get away with it". But, you can't cheat diabetes.
I'm starting to recognize and appreciate, even if with a slice of anger, how much routine and stability help me keep things managed a little better.
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | May 26, 2007 at 08:32 PM
Just as Scott, in all his wisdom, said above: You can't cut corners with diabetes. In my short time being a diabetic, I've learned this time and time again, but the idea still has yet to stick.
Distractions are always a good thing to have when things go awry. Puppies are a good one, and I really like the photograph there. Actually, I seem to like all the photographs you put in your posts. They have a certain style, one which I cannot place a finger on, and I am a big fan of the graphical portions of your posts, in addition to the written element of course!
Posted by: Tom | May 26, 2007 at 09:13 PM
I hate the ups and downs, but sometimes (and I truly believe this) we need to have them to escape from daily rigidity. It is just when we allow ourselves the ups and downs and then PAY for that for the next few days with MORE ups and downs that I get frustrated with!
Posted by: Sarah | May 27, 2007 at 12:11 PM
Absolutely, Birdie, Scott, Tomm and Sarah.
No matter how many fist-shaking tantrums I want to throw, the truth is that we know what is a wise choice and what is not.
Posted by: Minnesota Nice | May 27, 2007 at 02:24 PM
Ah, the feeling of abandon..when the waves make one seasick...but then deciding to just surf them and even taunt them ~ a humbling outcome, indeed, and I so relate.
Posted by: Jayne | May 29, 2007 at 06:20 AM