aiming for grace: being prepared and gentle.

I'm in New York City on business for a few days. I arrived yesterday after a long flight from the west coast. Luckily it was non-stop and even though I was stuck in the middle seat, it was a relatively pain free flight. I actually like flying, once I'm finally through all the security lines and stuffing of bags above my head. I like the quiet, uninterrupted time to think and listen to music and read.

It's kind of a rough time with my diabetes lately as I've posted about a few times. I was thinking about that on the plane. I was tired because I hadn't slept well the night before, trying to plan for all the inevitable unknowns of a trip. I know that sounds lame, and I'm embarrassed to admit it, but after 20 years of living with diabetes, I know that there are lot's of possible "situations" to contend with when traveling. No food served on the planes anymore, so pack a lunch. The set your changing doesn't work so it's important to bring lot's of extras, just in case. Extra food is needed for extra walking or the low that just happens because you're out of your rountine. The list goes on and on, and I try to be prepared. And then there's the extra burden too of traveling for business. Sometimes I'm with work friends who understand all the issues I face with travel and diabetes, other times not. The last thing I want is to have my diabetes be front and center on a business trip. The last thing I want either, is for something dangerous to happen. All these crazy lows lately have been scary enough at home in my own world. Add to that restuarant food, wonky schedules, more exercise, time change, fatigue, and well, you know the drill. There's a lot to consider. So I try to prepare for all the contingencies, though of course, that's impossible. You can't prepare for everything. And so I admit it. I worry (ok, so partly that's my personality, but it's not totally out of line, considering). I project what I imagine all the possible scenarios could be. I obsess the details. I feel so responsible about managing it all, as best as I possibly can.

Once I arrived yesterday, I met my new great friend for dinner. She has diabetes too. Longer than I have had it. We were catching up and I mentioned that I was having a rough time lately with my diabetes and without prompting, she said "it's just that way sometimes, isn't it?" She just knew without me having to explain. Two friends, having dinner, no need to explain the details. It's just a fact. "Diabetes is just this way sometime." And for some reason, having someone else just know that, deep in their bones, lifted a bit of the weight of the huge sense of responsibility, worry and guilt I feel (just like the kind and supportive comments on my blog from my great OC friends). The state of things are the same, but thanks to my friends knowing comment, I realized how harsh I was being on myself. In a flash, it dawned on me that it was time to be a bit more gentle. Thanks to my friends simple, heartfelt knowing of my situation, I realized I could be prepared and gentle, all at the same time .