it goes without saying.

I have to admit that I've been a bit reticent to write since my last post was so positive. I have always felt a pressure to have a upbeat attitude about my diabetes. People like it that way. Hell, I like it that way. So it's a little hard to come off a positive place and be well, frustrated or sad. I feel like I should just be quiet at times like these and keep it to myself. Which is also OK sometimes. Sometimes the feelings just pass through. No need to make them bigger than they are.

But. It's been a rough couple of weeks. Lot's of highs. And that's got me down and frustrated. I had to travel last week, and that always adversely affects my b/s control. High, high, high. This last week has been crazed at work and at home too. I'm running to keep up with all that is going on. And for some reason, I'm low in the day and high at night. Why, I ask myself? Why, why, why? I don't have the sensor yet so it's experiment time. Up my basal at night. See what happens. Last night I was low at bedtime so I had to have a snack, so unfortunately this morning, I'm high again. And the mystery continues. We'll see how tonight goes. We'll see.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that this stuff bums me out. It nags at the back of my mind during the day. I know I need to be patient and that it will get figured out. But for now at least, I'm having trouble not being frustrated. My recent words keep coming back to me. "Look at the long view", "go with the flow". Well I'm looking and I'm flowing but man, I like it better when I'm doing that and my blood sugars are good! It's easy to be accepting when things are going well. Not so much when they're not.

But I guess that goes without saying. Sigh.

Comments

[Minnesota Nice]

Sorry your in a bad patch, Birdie.
The "long view" concept was helpful to me, but, I probably won't remember it each time that I need to. The "what helps" list was also good, but I don't think of that each time either.
I guess these insights and techniques are all little tools we can have on hand. If we have several, then one will pop up when we need it.
Things shift. External circumstances change; inner physiology changes. Life is good, bad, easy, difficult and a combination of various pieces arranged to look like something whole.
Stay the course, Birdie.

[RichW]

I just got back my latest A1c and it was 5.6. That's a little high for me but my doctor wants my A1c up a little to avoid the constant lows. I live on glucose tablets. Keeping my A1c in a respectable range means I experience more highs and I hate it. I understand your frustration with trying to fine tune something that can't be fine tuned. It's like trying to herd cats.

This morning I woke up at 71. I was ecstatic. I took a shower, got dressed, and checked again. It was 114. It went up 40 points without putting anything in my mouth. I wear a pump and it was off for maybe 20 minutes. Okay, I’ll correct for the 40 points and eat a bowl of Cheerios with a half of a banana and fat free milk. Not too many carbs there. I know the carbs for one cup of Cheerios, a banana, and the milk. I took my bolus and three hours later I’m at 190.

It can get you down.

[Jayne]

Thanks for writing about the reality. I'm there with you.

[Scott K. Johnson]

Hey Birdie,

I too like the "positive attitude" approach. Sometimes it seems that (being positive) is the only way we can make it in the long run.

With that in mind I do think that it is also our duty as bloggers to not censor ourselves when we are not feeling so positive. We read each others blogs to feel that connection that only others with D can feel with each other, and we all know that there are many times of negative. That's just part of the package.

It is our ability to outbalance the negative with the long view positives and keep that scale of life tilting to the good over time that makes us survivors.

That word "survivors" carries a lot of baggage with it. And while it does suggest a great deal of strength and courage, it also implies a whole lot of struggle. I think that is pretty accurate.

Take care Birdie - it's always a real pleasure to read your blog. You really do have a great way with expressing the many feelings that we all experience.

[Amylia]

I like the realistic blog posts most, seriously. We all go through ebbs and flows, highs and lows. I love reading your words and enjoy traveling this d-life journey with others such as yourself. Keep going! I'll check back. :)