body memory?

A couple of years ago I fell down some stairs at work. I caught my toe on the edge of the stairs and fell out over them and landed on my wrist and shoulders as I tried to break the fall. Luckily I didn't break anything though I was very bruised and shaken up afterward. To this day, every time I go down those stairs I feel a little bit nervous. I literally have a physical reaction to something that happened to my body a couple of years before. It's like my body has a memory of it's own.

If that is in fact the case, that the body has a memory, I wonder if it can make the distinction between pain from accident or trauma or illness, and the ongoing moments of pain that it has to endure to stay healthy with diabetes. Does my body "know" that the endless blood tests and pump site insertions and removals are for it's long term good? My mind knows and it helps me override the apprehension I feel that second before the plunger clicks and the fresh quick set is inserted into me. But still I find myself waiting to the very last possible moment to change out my sites, resisting the insistent beeping of my pump reminding me that soon I'll be out of insulin. I know that this is in great part because I simply want to avoid the pain, however minor, the procedure inevitably involves. Which doesn't make sense on it's face. It doesn't make sense to my mind, that's for sure. Snip, snap, take out the old site, rip it out quickly and the immediate pain is gone soon thereafter. It itches a bit, sometimes it bleeds, but it's over in a few minutes. Same thing with putting the new quick set in, one, two, three and click it's in, burning a bit, sometimes stinging if the insulin is too cold but over in a flash also. What's the big deal? It's not so terrible yet I hate it just the same. I can't help but wonder if some of this is my body memory weighing in where it can. My mind may understand, but my body just reacts to the pain and tries, however futile that might be in this case, to avoid it in the future.

Comments

[all things bright and beautiful]

Dear Ada, I am touched by your story and I am also touched by the way you refer to your your struggle with diabetes as " Aiming for Grace"

Take care and God bless

Felicity

[Jane Kokernak]

I do the same thing -- I wait for my pump to insistently beep, maybe through a couple of alarm cycles, before changing the set. Hmm. I hadnt' really thought about "why," until I read this. I even have the alarm set to alert me almost at the last minute, with 5 units left. I guess I'm trying to put off as long as possible the inevitable. I *will* have to change it. And yet, I don't put off other tasks, like checking BG or bolusing. I have no answer, but you've got me thinking.

(And, overall, I enjoy your reflections on Aiming for Grace.)

[CALpumper]

Hi Birdie,

I tumbled down the stairs once. My right ankle broke the fall further. I too, a year later, hesitate before I descend. I get a slight lump in the throat reaction if I start to miss-step. Right after the fall I avoided those stairs. Then when I made the trek, I instantly hesitated, my heart rate shot up and before I knew it, I was sweating.

The body is an amazing machine, even if working only at 80% or less. Yesterday I had to change my site, put it off for too long. Knew it would hurt once I got a hold of that adhesive. Ouch afterwards, oh I hate that!!! Then the shower, made it worse but again, it subsides eventually. Onto the new site, breathe in, then ooooouuuuuuttttttt (all while clicking as fast as I can, my mind works quicker than my hand, every time!) and my breath has long released before the needle is even in. Every time. Makes me laugh but no matter what I do the same thing over and over again.

I SO agree, why if our body has a memory can it not "help" with our tedious Type 1 daily over and over tasks? We seem to have a memory sensor, we react, sort of, but is it all in our head?

Oh I have thought about this many times. Our bodies do remember. But I like the thought you bring up, does it know the difference? Trauma, accident, illness? Heck, chronic illness? Everyday annoying sticks, pokes, prods? Hmmmmm....

Love your blog!

[Courtney Putnam]

Dear Ada,

I whole heartedly believe that we store memories in our bodies. I am a massage therapist and time and time again I witness how my clients hold emotions and memories in their bodies--usually in places where they are also experiencing pain and tension. Our bodies work to protect us from further pain (whether physical or emotional) by guarding and holding tight. And its amazing how a flood of memories can emerge when we receive touch, whether painful or pleasurable.

Thanks for such a thought-provoking post!

best,
Courtney