The other morning, just before I was fully awake, I noticed that the spot on my hip where I often put my sites was itchy. Even though I wasn't fully conscious, I found myself going through a little mental inventory before I let myself scratch the itch. Is that where my site is? When did I last change it out? Don't scratch it until you're totally sure. After the couple of seconds it took to scroll through those questions, I remembered that indeed, I had changed my site out the night before and the place that was itching was the old site. Check, I could scratch the itch without fear of disturbing the site or worry that an infection was starting there. Check, I could scratch the itch and roll over for a little more snooze time.
It struck me later when I was actually awake, that diabetes is so much about these little details for me. For some reason I notice the textural, granular things about the physical experience of diabetes, often more than the big stuff. These nuances, the strange bits and pieces that make up daily life with all the paraphenalia I need to use to survive, are what catch my attention at the strangest, most unexpected moments. Skin meeting sticky adhesive tape, callouses meeting dull metal, sparkles in my vision when I'm low, numbness in my tongue when I'm really low. After so many years, these physical sensations exist in a strange place within my consciousness, certainly within my awareness, but also less distinct because they're so persistant in their daily presence. They demand my attention and yet their demands are so commonplace that the volume is also subdued. These small details have become so quiet and yet somehow, so much more noticable too.
You are so right. All these little things become ingrained in us & become natural. I guess it's good that we become used to them. Yet, it's sad that we have to get used to them, too?
Posted by: Donna | March 17, 2008 at 02:47 PM
I so understand and agree about those little nuisances. The itching used to worry me so much, I went through the same metal check list.
Oh the "bright spots" in my eyes when I am low, that numb tongue, ick.
Yes it is good we know what they are and how funny that they "stick out" more than any thing else.
For me (after almost 24 years) a lot has changed and sometimes those things that stick out are not as predictable or have simply gone away. That scares me.
Either way birdie, so nice to be reading your blog, found via DiabetesMine. You really capture what it is like, they way we think, they way we feel. Thank you.
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