healthy vs. normal.

For years people have said that even though I have diabetes I can live a "normal life". I've struggled with this idea for a long, long time but thanks to a bit of an epiphany a few years back I no longer feel that normal, in the most normal sense of the word, is really my goal. Though I know most people mean well when they say this kind of thing, for the longest time I reached for the state of normalcy that they were referring to and that I'd had before diabetes. I reached for it and failed dismally in the process, because of course it wasn't possible. And even though people do mean well when they talk about the "normal life" I lead as a diabetic, in the process of saying it, they are oblivious to (and unintentionally negating) all the hard work it takes to appear so "normal". Normal went out the window with 6 shots a day for 16 years followed by 6 years of life on the insulin pump, countless blood tests and the analysis of pretty much every ounce of food I've eaten and every moment of exercise I've done in the last 22 years. What's normal for me now is anything but normal in the way other people talk about it.

No, normal defined that way is not what I work so hard for anymore. Healthy is my goal now. Healthy with diabetes. Healthy in spite of diabetes. Healthy even because of diabetes. I want to be healthy and happy and comfortable with my life as it is now. My goal is to have wholeness and vibrancy and well being become my normal, and to not worry anymore about being "normal" like everyone else.

Comments

[Gayle]

Well put!!

[CALpumper]

Great post Birdie.

I have struggled with this too and so many have told me I "seem normal". Well thanks, I think. They would go further and add, "so what's the problem?"
Well where to begin!? Right!?

20 years of shots (whoa the collection of syringes). Start on NPH. Regular for years. Fast acting? What is that? Do a BT, shot then Wait to eat?! Then lovely Lantus in the am only or lows in the am, ugh. Humalog, what sweet relief! Shoot up and eat!

Now the pump. Humalog only. Basal, bouls. Ahhhh!!!!

Normal should simply be deleted from the english language. ;-)

I struggle to be me, most of the time to just simply be. My new view is healthy too. Just trying to figure out what they entails.

Best to you!
Love your blog!
CALpumper

[Donna]

Good post. It says what we all feel. Thanks.

[Minnesota Nice]

I love the term "wholeness" and even though it can encompass just as many definitions as "normal", somehow it means more to me.
For me, to feel whole as we travel with diabetes is to shed that lurking sense of freakishness, of being punished (for whatever obscure reason) and the envy that other people have it so much easier than I do.
Sure, the body needs a little help. But my essential wholeness will prevail if I nurture it and trust that it is home to all of us.

[Marina]

This really hit home. For several reasons.
1. I don't have diabetes, but I take a select seratonin re-uptake inhibitor (???). I have struggled all my life with people telling me to be normal, or with trying to be normal.
2. My mom's a doctor and I'm a teacher in Chicago's Mexican community where diabetes is an epidemic. It seems so pervasive, I thought it wasn't such a big deal until my mother came to give a presentation to my students about the disease and I learned how horrible it truly is.
3. I'm a passionate follower of your art blog dear ada, and had never clicked to aiming for grace before! I'm off to read the rest of it now.
Stay healthy
marina