taking that extra hour.

 

Diabetes is a series of discomforts.  At it's best, it's forgotten for chunks of time.  The longer the better.  I've spent my many years with diabetes trying to minimize the discomforts and maximize the times when they recede.  For the longest time, most of my time with diabetes as a matter of fact, I didn't realize this was how I was living, but now I see it.  And though it's sad at it's core, the reality of it has become normal for me.  

Well a funny thing has happened to me lately.  For some reason I've been having these moments of clarity that strip the emotion from the situation and leave in it's place, an insight that I can use in making the reality of my life with diabetes better.  Like the realization about the discomforts of diabetes and the time in between.  Before it was just how I went about my life, sad or angry or tired in the uncomfortable times and blissfully unaware during the times in between.  But now that I see this pattern I realize that there's some very intersting and profound truths about it.  One's that I can use in making things better for my life overall.  Minimize the discomfort, maximize the pleasure.  I'm beginning to see that I can embrace that already existing pattern and actually mindfully pursue it, rather than just exist within it.  What I see is that in seeing the pattern, I have more ability to amplify the process.  I can actally actively minimize the discomfort, maximize the pleasure.

This insight is changing how I'm looking at my life these days.  Before I might have thought this was a selfish way to live but from where I sit with the reality of the inevitable discomforts and struggles diabetes will present, I'm getting more aggressive about seeking the pleasure in my life.  I find that I am asking myself more about what will give me pleasure in this day, this project, this weekend. Of course, I can't avoid all frustrations and struggles that are a part of everyday life but I can have some more say over many of my choices.  And where I can have say, I'm finding that I'm at least stopping for a moment and considering the options in a way I've never done before.  Minimize the discomfort, maximize the pleasure or comfort or fun.

Which translates into lot's of little decisions and many new yesses and no's where before the opposite would happen.  Yes on the 100% cotton sheets, no on that 2nd episode of law and order.  No on reading that horrifying story about something I can do nothing about and yes on that 2nd walk with the dogs.  Little stuff that amplifies the happy times, the soul feeding adventures, the moments of pure joy.  I'm starting to see the day full of choices and though I can never totally get away from the inevitable struggles and physical challenges diabetes presents, I'm finding that this way of looking at my life helps minimize the toll those difficult times take on me.  Overall, I can feel a new gentleness towards myself that lightens the sting of diabetes.  

A friend recently said to me after I'd shared I'd had a bad night with low bloodsugar, why didn't I just sleep an extra an hour.  And she was right.  Why not?  Maximize the pleasure, minimize the discomfort.  

PS. sorry about no photo on this post but typepad has "upgraded" the compose function on their system and for some unknown reason it's not letting me upload images on my G4 ibook, which I use when I'm traveling as I am right now.  Argh!  I'll post the image when I get home in a few days.  Sorry. 

Postscript: I'm home.  Bigger computer, uploaded the photograph.  Enjoy!

Comments

[Gayle]

Thanks for the great post! And kudos for finding pleasure while still maintaining your control...it's kind of an oxymoron, isn't it? I find that every small battle that I win for happiness makes searching for happiness easier. It's like a gentle reworking of brain neurons.
ps thanks for the ps...I totally missed the photo! my brain is hardwired to see some beautiful pic when I get to your site :)

[Scott K. Johnson]

I got a lot out of this post Birdie. I think we all need to spend more time/energy pursuing the pleasures in our lives. Most often they are small and simple things, and really don't take much.

I also think that by feeding the soul we are rewarded ten-fold. Again, that most often comes in small packages that we just failed to notice before.

Thank you for helping us tune into ourselves a little bit more.

(like Gayle said - I missed the photo too! I'm so glad you explained what and why! I would have worried otherwise... :-) )

[CALpumper]

Here's to more joy Birdie.
Thank you again for such an insightful post.
Like Scott I wondered about the "missing" photo.
It actually added more depth to your post without it, probably because we were expecting it.

Travel safe and thank you again.

[Minnesota Nice]

Very nice, Birdie. Carpe dium!!1
Go after all of those bits of joy and comfort that are out there.
This reminds me of when I used to go into the woods with my granny to pick blackberries - so tiny they were the size of a pea. Yet, they all added up to a bowlful.
Those little moments of pleasure that we recognize and the little acts of kindness-to-self that we perform all add up to a might nice big picture.

[AmyT]

Beautiful post as always, Birdie. No worries about the image. I love your words!