For the most part I accept the fact that I have diabetes. At times I rail against it, but deep down I know that it is what it is. After writing this blog for couple of years now I have come to feel a far greater peace about what diabetes means in my life, the struggles, the annoyances, the discomfort and the down right boredom that accompanies the unending routine of it all. In a word, I've accepted the reality of life with diabetes.
What I want now is to actively balance that reality where I can. With all the discomfort diabetes brings, I want more comfort in my life to offset it, period. Which means I want a new couch, down filled, like a cloud in heaven that I can fall into at the end of a long, busy day. I want clothes that don't constrict me even though I can get away with looks that are far more "body hugging". Not dowdy but no more discomfort just for styles sake. More comfort where I can get it because I have to be uncomfortable on an ongoing basis, thanks to diabetes and all the bleeding and poking and inserting and ripping out it requires. I'll deal with that discomfort yes, but I'm getting that new couch to fall into too, thank you very much.
Diabetes also makes me feel weak sometimes. I can feel literally weak when I'm low or high, and emotionally weak when I'm worn out by one too many nights up dealing with this or that diabetes related task. Or because I've been on the inevitable blood sugar roller coaster. I also feel weak because I'm still recovering from my 2nd frozen shoulder, and still healing from the surgery in the first one for the frozen shoulder there. Between the two of them, it's been 4 years of shoulder issues and pain (with an unrelated surgery thrown in for good measure), which means I'm not too strong in my upper body. I feel weak physically and that has me feeling weak emotionally. Well in the spirit of this new way of looking at things, I also want to bring balance to this aspect of my life with diabetes. I want to get stronger so I'm starting yoga, very slowly, very, very slowly, but starting nonetheless. Where I can I want to balance my sense of weakness with a growing sense of physical strength. Where I can, when I can.
You know, this is turning out to be an interesting exercise. Taking an aspect of diabetes and seeing what the opposite to that aspect might be and then actively going after it as a counter balance is a pretty amazing thing. Acceptance, at least in this case it seems, can beget opportunity! If diabetes is this, what is it's counter balance? Uncomfortable physically? Find more comfort physically. Weak physically? Find ways to get physically stronger. Tired and worn out? Find ways to get rest, or time out, or be still. Ying and yang. No and yes. Diabetes can definitely suck but I have it, regardless of that fact. So I'm starting to see what opportunities it offers to find pleasant, healing balance. I'm starting to at least see and test the idea more deliberately. Because at the end of the day, diabetes is what it is, so really, what have I got to lose?
First of all, Birdie - that's a most thought-provoking picture you have up there (at the top of the page). I keep scrolling up to it. It is "icky". Why do I want to keep looking at it when I can look at the lovely lower photo of the flowers, blue sky and the big promising buds? ................sigh.
Well. Anyway. I had a bg of 55 when I got home tonight. Now, after a nice dinner I'm still at 60 and exhausted - too spacey to even focus on my knitting, uch less get the laundry done.
So, I'm going to lie on the couch, with the ceiling fan on high and watch re-runs of "Dr. Quinn - Medicinewoman".
I love it when she does brainsurgery on the frontier.
Posted by: Minnesota Nice | June 30, 2008 at 07:05 PM
I hope you ended up having had a good evening and feel better today!
And yes, brain surgery on the frontier is a good thing! Thank goodness we live in a world where that's possible...oh wait, that's happening in TV world. Wow. Wildness abounds!
I think you're on to something poetic here. Maybe it could be something along the lines of, "Doing brain surgery on the frontier", an exploration of living with chronic illness in modern times. Or maybe I'm just getting too heady here. Regardless, I love your view of the world! Thanks for being out there on this wacky journey too!
Posted by: birdie | July 01, 2008 at 08:59 AM
Another great post Birdie.
I look forward to reading about your journey. I think we're all looking for some sort of balance - I know I am. It's pretty damn elusive sometimes, but maybe I am just settling too much...
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | July 01, 2008 at 12:38 PM
When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Thanks a lot!
Posted by: Buy 1285 muscle | October 01, 2013 at 01:54 AM
There's certainly a lot to find out about this issue. I love all of the points you made.
Posted by: stairlifts | October 07, 2013 at 08:34 PM