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This hits the nail on the head for me! The whole process tires my brain out after awhile. It seems like a whole new sort of management mathematics and I get weary of it. But, you have described it artistically, and for that blessing, I thank you!

I have learned, since I started teaching at a scientific university, that this is the essence of engineering. There is no perfect machine, no perfect plan; all inventions involve a set of trade-offs, and a good engineer makes them thoughtfully.

Making these trade-offs is tiring, I agree, but I like to think I am more thoughtful about those chips I eat or spontaneous walks I take than those who don't struggle with a chronic illness, and I really savor them.

I like the word savor. Instead of seeing our lives as only being eroded because of this disease, we also get to feel it more fully, to savor it more if you will. On the really tiring days of trade-offs, I'll try to remind myself of this idea. Thank you for that!

The other thing that keeps coming up for me lately, is the idea that the fatigue we're all describing is a real and palpable thing, that it has a weight and presence about it that needs to be counted. If I count it, I can use it as something to trade-off with something else I don't need or want to do. In that light, the trade-offs can work towards a more authentic and balanced life for myself, with and in spite of diabetes. And for me, that is always the "noble goal".

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ~Woody Allen

I think this is true for me right now. I try to keep my sugars under control without endlessly obsessing over them and if I want to have that gin tonic or that ice cream every once in a while, I will. This is my trade-off. I don't know if I'll regret the way I treated my diabetes a few years down the road but my numbers are decent (could be better of course, but when is that ever not the case?) and I already lost a lot of spontaneity in my life because of this disease. So I simply refuse to give up the joy of dark chocolate chilly ice cream or all the other things I could name.

thank you. without knowing, i wanted to hear this today.


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