This feels a bit like an epiphany, like something very big, perhaps even life altering. I know the roots of it have come from years of consideration and questioning, but last week it all came together in one very clear jolt. Diabetes is, simply put, uncomfortable. That's it in a nutshell. Diabetes is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in it's treatment, the unending shots, set insertions, candulas, insulin boluses, blood tests, set removals, adhesive tapes, pumps and pump clips, glucose monitors, tired sites, sore fingers, low blood sugars, high blood sugars. The list goes on and on. Uncomfortable in it's persistence and unending demands. Each annoyance in its own right, totally bearable, but over the years, cumulatively, diabetes and all that it takes to do it well, adds up to a underlying subtext of discomfort. Pure and simple, diabetes is uncomfortable.
I started to grasp this idea fully when I was being be fitted with a glucose monitor the other day. The wonderful nurse I've worked with for years, inserted the monitor into my hip, a quick jab and then a flashing burn. Unfortunately, the insertion needle got stuck in the process and she had to tug and wrestle with it to get it out of the set, trying not to hurt me too much, but of course, jabbing me here and there as she struggled. Eventually it came out and I was left with a burning, sore spot for the next few hours. Nothing terrible, but certainly noticeable nonetheless. Noticeable, like so many other things I do to deal with diabetes. Nothing terrible, but still noticeable.
The epiphany itself actually came the next morning. Yes, I realized, diabetes is always going to be uncomfortable to some degree. This ongoing discomfort is my reality, it's the normal state of affairs. Wow. So true and yet I'd never really seen it with such clarity. Discomfort. I sat with that for a moment and then slowly a question came to mind. What can I do about this, if anything? And almost as quickly, the answer came to me. If diabetes always means some degree of discomfort, I thought, I need to seek out comfort as vigilantly and with as much commitment as I can possibly muster. I must find comfort where I can! To make it better where I can. An antidote, a counter balance, to ease all the small and big discomforts of life with diabetes. A simple idea at face value, but also a very big one to actually act upon. If diabetes is uncomfortable, then comfort in the rest of my life needs to become my focused goal. Physical comfort. Emotional comfort. Actively choosing comfort wherever I can.
A real commitment to comfort means reevaluating how I physically maneuver through the day. What clothes I wear, the chair I work in, even being more mindful of who I choose to spend my time with when I have the choice. Where before my goal was to accommodate diabetes as little as possible beyond the medical maintenance it required of me, I now see that by putting comfort first, a little more accommodation means that I can be far more comfortable in my life overall. It's such a revelation that what I feared would be a weak accommodation to diabetes, is actually a great gift to myself. Diabetes hasn't won, I have. As the importance of actively seeking comfort in my physical and emotional life sinks in, I'm finding immediate and palpable relief already. It turns out that looser clothes, eating earlier, saying yes to longer dog walks really makes me feel better. And thankfully because of that, the inevitable discomfort of diabetes somehow isn't as hard to deal with overall. Which seems like such a simple idea, and yet I see now that truly understanding and acting on it's meaning, has been surprisingly long in coming.
